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Sunday, September 6, 2009

Doctor to Sardar

Doctor to sardar patient : Ab aapki tabiyat kaisi hai.

Sardar : Doctor saheb Pehle se jyada kharab ho gayi hai.

Doctor : dawai khali thi kya?

Sardar : Nai doctor saheb. dawai ki shishi to bhari hui thi.

Doctor : Are Sardar ji mere kehne ka matlab hai ki, dawai le li thi kya.

Sardar : Ji, aapne dawai de di thi aur maine le lit hi.

Doctor: Abe, dawai pili thi kya?

Sardar : Oho, nai doctor saheb dawai to lal thi.

Doctor : Abe GADHE, Dawai ko piliya tha kya?

Sardar : Nai. Doctor, Piliya to mujhe tha.

Doctor( in frustration) : Abe teri to, Dawai ko muh lagakar Pet me dala tha k nai?

Sardar : Nai doctor saheb.

Doctor : Kyon?

Sardar : Kyonki dhakkan band tha.

Doctor : Teri sale, to Khola kyon nai.

Sardar : Saheb, aapne hi to kaha tha ki, shishi ka dhakkan band rakhna.

Doctor : Tera ilaz main nai kar sakta.!

Sardar : Accha Doctor saheb ye to bata do ki main thik kaise hounga…

- LoveNismi (Ansh Rav)

Saturday, September 5, 2009

Why Are Indians Easy to Identify

WHY ARE INDIANS EASY TO IDENTIFY

We are like this only so true, so very true........

1. Everything you eat is savored in garlic, onion and tomatoes.

2. You try and reuse gift wrappers, gift boxes, and of course aluminum foil.

3. You are always standing next to the two largest size suitcases at the Airport.

4. You arrive one or two hours late to a party - and think it's normal.

5. You peel the stamps off letters that the Postal Service missed to stamp.

6. You recycle Wedding Gifts, Birthday Gifts and Anniversary Gifts.

7. You name your children in rhythms (example, Sita & Gita, Ram & Shyam, Kamini & Shamini)

8. All your children have pet names, which sound nowhere, close to their real names.

9. You take Indian snacks anywhere it says 'No Food Allowed.'

10. You talk for an hour at the front door when leaving someone's house.

11. You load up the family car with as many people as possible.

12. HIGH PRIORITY You use plastic to cover anything new in your house, whether it's the remote control, VCR, carpet or new couch.

13. Your parents tell you not to care what your friends think, but they won't let you do certain things because of what the other 'Uncles and Aunties' will think.

14. You buy and display crockery, which is never used, as it is for special occasions, which never happen.

15. You have a vinyl tablecloth on your kitchen table.

16. You use grocery bags to hold garbage.

17. You keep leftover food in your fridge in as many numbers of bowls as possible.

18. Your kitchen shelf is full of jars, varieties of bowls and plastic utensils (got free with purchase of other stuff).

19. You carry a stash of your own food whenever you travel (and travel means any car ride longer than 15 minutes).

20. You own a rice cooker or a pressure cooker.

21. You fight over who pays the dinner bill.

22. You live with your parents and you are 40 years old.(And they prefer it that way).

23. You don't use measuring cups when cooking.

24. You never learnt how to stand in a queue.

25. You can only travel if there are 5 persons at least to see you off or receive you whether you are traveling by bus, train or plane.

26. If she is NOT your daughter, you always take interest in knowing whose daughter has run with whose son and feel proud to spread it at the velocity of more than the speed of light.

27. You only make long distance calls after 11p.m.

28. If you don't live at home, when your parents call, they ask if you've eaten, even if it's midnight.

29. You call an older person you never met before Uncle or Aunty.

30. When your parents meet strangers and talk for a few minutes, you discover you're talking to a distant cousin.

31. Your parents don't realize phone connections to foreign  countries have improved in the last two decades, and still scream at the top of their lungs when making foreign calls.

32. You have bed sheets on your sofas so as to keep them from getting dirty.

33. Its embarrassing if you're wedding has less than 600 people.

34. All your Tupperware is stained with food color.

35. You have drinking glasses made of steel.

36. You have mastered the art of bargaining in shopping.

37. You have really enjoyed reading this mail - forward it to as many Indians as possible.

I STILL LOVE TO BE AN INDIAN

- LoveNismi (Ansh Rav)

Complex Women

Women Are Such Complex Creatures:

If you kiss her, you are not a gentleman,
If you don't you are not a man.

If you praise her, she thinks you are lying,
If you don't, you are good for nothing.

If you agree to all her likes, you are a wimp,
If you don't you are not understanding.

If you visit her often, you are boring,
If you don't she accuses you of double crossing.

If you are well dressed, she says you are a playboy,
If you don't, she says you are a dull guy.

If you are a minute late, she complains it's hard to wait,
If she is late, she says it is a girls way.

If you kiss her once in a while, she professes you are cold,
If you kiss her often, she yells you are taking advantage.

If you talk, she wants you to listen,
If you listen, she wants you to talk.

IN SHORT...
So simple, yet so complex,
So weak, yet so powerful,
So confusing, yet so desirable,
So damming, yet so wonderful... WOMEN

- LoveNismi (Ansh Rav)

11 Ways to Know That You Love Someone

IT'S TRUE!!!!

11 Ways to Know That You Love Someone

ELEVEN:

You talk with him/her late at night and when you go to bed you still think of him/her.

TEN:

You walk really slowly when you are with him/her.

NINE:

You don't feel Ok when he/she is far away.

EIGHT:

You smile when you hear his/her voice.

SEVEN:

When you look at him/her,you do not see other people around you. You see only him/her.

SIX:

He/She is everything you want to think.

FIVE:

You realize that you smile every time you look at him/her.

FOUR:

You would do anything to see him/her.

THREE:

While you have been reading this, there was a person in your mind all the time.

TWO:

You've been so busy thinking of that person that you didn't notice that number 7 is missing.

ONE:

You are going to check above if that's true and now you are silently laughing to yourself.

NOW MAKE A WISH! YOU KNOW WHAT YOU WANT THE MOST...

- LoveNismi (Ansh Rav)

Kalyug ka Maths

1.) SSC + HSC + BMS + MBA = UNEMPLYOMENT.

2.) An Idea + An Idiot = A Dot com.

3.) Sushmita Sen - 1.2 feet = Salman Khan.

4.) 4 weeks in Switzerland + London + New Zealand + Canada = 4 minute song in Hindi movies.

5.) Rona dhona x Bewafai x Badle ki aag = Your mum's favourite serials.

6.) Amitabh Bachchan + Jaya Bachchan = Abhishek Bachchan -Talent.

7.) 1 smile + 32 teeth = Govinda

8.) 1 person - shirt = Salman Khan

9.) 1 person + straight hair + unstraight walk = Sanjay dutt

10.) 1 hand + 10 kg weight = Sunny Deol

11.) One man + one woman = Isha Deol

12.) Time waste - time = Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi

13.) Boring songs + heavy dialogues + Bogus dressing = Devdas

14.) New heroes + New heroins = a flop movie

15.) Old heroes + new heroins = a blunder

16.) Old heroes + old heroins = timepass

17.) action - suspense + comedy - thrill - story - clothes = Indiansuperhit movie

18.) Do aur do paanch = Indian algebra

19.) 1 Lady - 1/2 Clothes = Mallika Sherawat

20.) 1 Lady + 1 Buffalo = Yana Gupta,

- LoveNismi (Ansh Rav)