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Showing posts with label Puzzle. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Puzzle. Show all posts

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

प्यार हुआ भी है कि नहीं

कई बार आप खुद समझ नहीं पाते कि आपको प्यार हुआ भी है कि नहीं..आइए हम करते  हैं आपकी मदद...ये 12 बातें साबित कर देंगी कि आप प्यार में है कि नहीं...

12
जब आप रात को उससे फोन पर बात कर देते हैं और फोन रख देते हैं, तो फोन रखने के दो मिनट बाद भी आपको उनकी याद आती है...

11
जब आप उनके साथ होते है तो खुद ही धीरे चलने लगते हैं....

Best Hosting Provider

10
उनके आसपास होने से खुद आपको शर्म आने लगती है.....

9
उनकी आवाज सुनते ही आपके चेहरे पर हंसी खिल जाती है......

8
जब उनकी तरफ आप देखते हैं तो आसपास खड़ा कोई और नजर नहीं आता, बस वही नजर आता है....

6
वहीं है बस जिसके बारे में आप सोचते हैं.......

5
आप को यह एहसास है कि जब भी आप उन्हें देखते हैं तो हमेशा हंसते रहते है.....

4
उन्हें देखने के लिए आप कुछ भी कर सकते हैं......

3
यह सब पढ़ते समय आपके दिमाग में किसी एक इंसान की सूरत घूम रही है......

2
यह पढ़ते समय आप उस इंसान के बारे में पढ़ने में इतने मशगूल थे कि आपको ध्यान ही नहीं रहा कि सातवें नंबर का पाइंट तो है ही नहीं.......

1
अब आप ऊपर जा कर 7 वां नंबर ढूंढेगे, और नीचे आकर खुदko.


....PLZ..YE
MAT PUCHHNA
.....ki mai ko.

Sunday, August 29, 2010

One Line Proposals, Even Shorter Rejections

1. I wish I was one of your tears, so I could be born in your eye, run down your cheek, and die on your lips.

Reply : I don't mind where you die.. as long as you do!

2. Did you know they changed the alphabet? They put U and I together.

Reply : So, how many times did you fail kinder garten?

3. Are your legs tired? Because you been running through my mind ALL day long.

Reply : Yes, they are. I've been running away from you!

4. Are you lost? Because it's so strange to see an angel so far from heaven.

Reply : How many times have you been to heaven, anyway?

5. Do you believe in love at first sight, or do I have to walk by you again?

Reply : Yeah.. why don't you walk by and just keep walking!

6. What's that in your eye? Oh...it's a sparkle.

Reply : What are you on? Crack or cocaine?

7. Do you have a map? I just got lost in your eyes.

Reply : (too corny.. maybe a disgusted look would be enough)

8. You can forget about going to heaven because it's sin to look that good.

Reply : You can be sure of going to hell.. your stupidity will assure you of a place!

9. If I had eleven roses and you, I'd have a dozen.

Reply : So, that's your problem.. simple mathematics otherwise!

 

 

- Love Nismi                                 Give Comment

Sunday, August 22, 2010

Teacher and Student

Teacher: Tum bade hokar kya karoge ?
Student: shaadi..!!!!!!

Teacher: nahi, mera matlab hai kya banoge?.....
Student: dulha.!!!!!!!!!!!

Teacher: oh, i mean bade hokar kya hasil karoge?
Student: dulhan

Teacher: IDIOT mera matlab bade ho kar mummy papa k liye kya karoge?
Student- bahu laaunga

Teacher: stupid tumhare papa tumse kya chahte hai?
Student: pota

Teacher: he bhagwan, tumari zindagi ka kya maksad hai?
Student: hum do humare do :)

 

- Love Nismi                                 Give Comment

Sunday, May 2, 2010

You Would Know Inside Of Me..!!

Inside Of Me

If you could see inside my soul
see inside my heart
you would know how I long for you
whenever we're apart

If you could see inside my head
if thoughts were things to see
you would know how I cherish you
how much you mean to me

In all the ways you comfort me
the way you hold me near
the way you know just what to do
to chase away my fear

The sparkle in your deep eyes
your smile, laugh, your touch
are just a few of many reasons
I love you oh so much

Knowing I can talk to you
about any and everything
and knowing together we will get
through whatever life may bring

I could search the whole world over
and this I know is true
I would never find another love
like the love I found with you

Though with each new day, each sunrise
we can't know what's in store
there is one thing I know for sure
each day I love you more

So if you could see inside my head
if thoughts were things to see
you would know I blessed I feel
to have you here with me

- Loveable Poet                          Give Comment

Saturday, May 1, 2010

TRUE MEANING OF LOVE

There’s nothing like it ever existed in the world.

Love not with your mind but with your heart.

Love alone can fill our heart.

Love alone bind every relationship.

It’s adorned not with materials,

But with love only nothing else.

Love is blind yet it leads us to light.

There is no force dare to face this love.

Love brightens the darkness of life.

Love is seen in the eye.

Love gives friendship its meaning and trust.

Like the sun its fragrances like the dawn its gold.

The hug its warmth and the smile its true and beauty.

Love is something which you whole hearted gave away
And never expects anything in return.

One can defeat the greatest universal emperor
But none dare to defeat the love nor none can.

A true love weigh much more than the whole weight of the universe.

One can assume the dimension of the universe, but no one can assume the Dimension of love nor none can.

Love never see caste, color and it never differentiate between two people.

Where there is trust there will be love.

Never try to test true love it is very hard to forget.

You can not see love and touch it.

Love can only be felled.

Every supreme sacrifice of this world. behind it there will be love.

And we human exist in this world only because of love.



I LOVE YOU

- Loveable Poet                          Give Comment

Life is Still Beautiful

20 years back - School bag. Today - Office bag.

20 years back - Lekhak Note book. Today - HP Note book.

20 years back - Hero Ranger. Today - Hero Honda.

20 years back - Half pants. Today - Full pants.

20 years back - Playing with plastic car running on battery and remote. Today - Playing with metal car running on petrol and gear.

20 years back - Scared of Teachers and exams. Today - Scared of Bosses and targets.

20 years back - Wanting to be class topper. Today - Wanting to be 'Employee of the month'.

20 years back - Quarterly exams. Today - Quarterly results.

20 years back - Annual School Magazine. Today - Company Annual Report.

20 years back - Annual exams. Today - Annual appraisals.

20 years back - Pocket money. Today - Salary.

20 years back - Waiting for Diwali crackers. Today - Waiting for Diwali bonus.

20 years back - Running after grades and prize cups. Today - Running after incentives and promotions.

20 years back - Craving for the latest toy in the market. Today – Craving for the latest gadget in the market.

20 years back - Eager to watch the latest cartoon show. Today - Eager to watch the latest blockbuster.

20 years back - Crush on class mate. Today - Crush on colleague.

So essentially nothing has changed!!

- Loveable Poet                          Give Comment

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

boy and a girl were in love

A boy and a girl were in love.

When the girl's father came to know about their love, he did not like it at all, and so began to protest about it.

Now it happened that the two lovers decided to leave their homes for a happy future.

The girl's father started searching for the two lovers but could not find them .

At last, he accepted their love and asked them to come back home thru a local newspaper. Her father said "If you both come back I will allow you to marry the guy you love, I accept that you loved each other truly."

So in this way, their love won and they returned home.

The couple next day went to town to shop for the wedding dress. He was dressed in a white shirt that day. While he was crossing the road to the other side to get some drinks for his wife, a car came and hit him and he died on the spot..

The girl was devastated and lost her senses. It was only after sometime that she recovered from her shock.

The funeral and cremation was the very next day because he had died horribly.

Two nights later, the girl's mother had a dream in which she saw an old lady.

The old lady asked her mother to wash the blood stains of the guy from her daughter's dress as soon as possible. But her mother ignored the dream.

The next night her father had the same dream , he also ignored it. Then the girl had the same dream the next night, she woke up in fear and told her mother about the dream. Her mother asked her to wash the clothes with the blood stains immediately.

She washed the stains but some remained. Next night she again had the same dream. She again washed the stains but some still remained. But again the next night she had the same dream and this time the old lady gave her a last warning to wash the blood stain, or else something terrible would happen.

This time the girl tried her best to wash the stains, and the clothes nearly tore, but some stains still remained. She was very tired. In the late evening the same day while she was alone at home, someone knocked on the door. When she opened the door she saw the same old lady of her dream standing at her door. She got very scared and fainted.

The old lady woke her up... and gave her a blue object, which shocked the girl.

She asked "What is this...?" The old lady replied...

..

.. .

..

..

..

..

..

"This is Nirma Washing Powder"

"Washing powder nirma,Washing powder nirma

Doodh si safedi nirma se aaye,

Rangeen kapde bhi khil khil jaye,

sabki pasand nirma

Washing powder nirma,Washing powder nirma. Nirma"

10 ka 1, do pe ek free

I know how you all are feeling now...

I have been through this too.

I'm also hunting for the idiot who mailed this to me

- Loveable Poet                          Give Comment

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

How Love Comes and Touches the Heart

Dear Friend
Love is a simple word
Love has for letters only
But....
Love can come without any invitation
Love can touch the heart without permission
Love can come in unusual way
Love can come in unusual time
Love can come in unusual place
Love can make the days are difference
Love can make the life is in coloring
When love come nobody can away
When love touch nobody can stand
When love is in the heart
Everything wants to share
When love is in the heart
Everything is only for him or her

“Care should always be in Heart
And not in your words…..
Anger should always be in words
And not in Heart”…

- Loveable Poet                      Give Comment

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Wah Wah!!!

Saap Ne Piya Bakri Ka Khoon ...
.
.
Waah! Waah!
.
.
Saap Ne Piya Bakri Ka Khoon ...
Good Afternoon! Good Afternoon! Good Afternoon!!


1)Tere Pyaar Mein Paagal Ho Gaya Peter ...
.
.
Waah! Waah!
.
.
Tere Pyaar Mein Paagal Ho Gaya Peter ...
Ab Hero Honda Splendor, 80 km Prati Litre .. !!


2)Bahaar Aane Se Pehle Fizaa Aa Gayii ...
.
.
Waah! Waah!
.
.
Bahaar Aane Se Pehle Fizaa Aa Gayii ....
Phool Ko Khilne Se Pehle Bakri Kha Gayii .. !!


3)Aatma Chhod Gayii Shareer Puraana ...
.
.
Waah! Waah!
.
.
Aatma Chhod Gayii Shareer Puraana ...
Didi Tera Devar Deewana .. !


4) Yashomati Maiyya Se Bole Nandlala ...
.
.
Waah! Waah!
.
.
Yashomati Maiyya Se Bole Nandlala ...
"Maa, Tata Sky Laga Daala To Life Jhingalala ....!!"


5)Hoton Pe "Haan" Hai ...
Dil Mein "Naa" Hain ....
.
.
Waah! Waah!
.
.
Hoton Pe "Haan" Hai ...
Dil Mein "Naa" Hain ...
Shashi Kapoor Kehta Hai: "Mere Paas Maa Hai ...."

- Loveable Poet                    Give Comment

The Four Cats

Four men were bragging about how smart Their cats were.

The first man was an Engineer,

The second man was an Accountant,

The third man was a Chemist, and

The fourth man was a Government Employee.

To show off, the Engineer called his cat,

'T - square, do your stuff.'

T-square pranced over to the desk,

Took out some paper and pen and promptly

Drew a circle, a square, and a triangle.

Everyone agreed that was pretty smart.

 

But the Accountant said his cat could do better.

He called his cat and said,

'Spreadsheet, do your stuff.'

Spreadsheet went out to the kitchen and returned

With a dozen cookies.

He divided them into 4 equal piles of 3 cookies.

Everyone agreed that was pretty good!

 

But the Chemist said his cat could do better.

He called his cat and said,

'Measure, do your stuff.'

Measure got up, walked to the fridge,

Took out a quart of milk,

Got a 10 ounce glass from the cupboard

And poured exactly 8 ounces

Without spilling a drop into the glass.

Everyone agreed that was pretty good.

Then the three men turned to the

Government Employee and said,

'What can your cat do?'

 

The Government Employee called his cat and said,

'Coffee Break, do your stuff.'

Coffee Break jumped to his feet.......

Ate the cookies..... ..

Drank the milk.......

Ripped the paper into pieces.......

Incited a brawl with the other three cats.......

Claimed he injured his back while doing so.......

 

Filed a grievance report for unsafe working conditions.. .....

Put in for Workers' Compensation. ......... .....and

Went home for the rest of the day on sick leave.

AND THAT, MY FRIEND, IS WHY EVERYONE WANTS TO

WORK FOR THE GOVERNMENT!!

- Loveable Poet                    Keep Comment

Sunday, September 6, 2009

Original ગુજરાતીઓ

G:- ગજબ

U :- યાદ રહીજાય તેવા

J :- જક્કાસ

A :- અલ્ટિમેટ

R :- રાપ્ચિક

A :- એડવાન્સ

T :- ટકાટક

I :- ઈન્ટેલીજન્ટ

હવે ગુજરાતીમાં સાંભળ

 

ગુ :- ગુચવી નાખે તેવા

જ :- જબ્બર માઈન્ડ વાળા

રા :- રાજ કરે એવા(બધાના દિલો પર)

તી :- તીર જેવા ધારદાર.

આ બધી જ વસ્તુઓ માત્ર એકજ કાષ્ટમાં જોવા મળે છે આને કહેવાય original ગુજરાતીઓ.....

- LoveNismi (Ansh Rav)

Saturday, September 5, 2009

Why Are Indians Easy to Identify

WHY ARE INDIANS EASY TO IDENTIFY

We are like this only so true, so very true........

1. Everything you eat is savored in garlic, onion and tomatoes.

2. You try and reuse gift wrappers, gift boxes, and of course aluminum foil.

3. You are always standing next to the two largest size suitcases at the Airport.

4. You arrive one or two hours late to a party - and think it's normal.

5. You peel the stamps off letters that the Postal Service missed to stamp.

6. You recycle Wedding Gifts, Birthday Gifts and Anniversary Gifts.

7. You name your children in rhythms (example, Sita & Gita, Ram & Shyam, Kamini & Shamini)

8. All your children have pet names, which sound nowhere, close to their real names.

9. You take Indian snacks anywhere it says 'No Food Allowed.'

10. You talk for an hour at the front door when leaving someone's house.

11. You load up the family car with as many people as possible.

12. HIGH PRIORITY You use plastic to cover anything new in your house, whether it's the remote control, VCR, carpet or new couch.

13. Your parents tell you not to care what your friends think, but they won't let you do certain things because of what the other 'Uncles and Aunties' will think.

14. You buy and display crockery, which is never used, as it is for special occasions, which never happen.

15. You have a vinyl tablecloth on your kitchen table.

16. You use grocery bags to hold garbage.

17. You keep leftover food in your fridge in as many numbers of bowls as possible.

18. Your kitchen shelf is full of jars, varieties of bowls and plastic utensils (got free with purchase of other stuff).

19. You carry a stash of your own food whenever you travel (and travel means any car ride longer than 15 minutes).

20. You own a rice cooker or a pressure cooker.

21. You fight over who pays the dinner bill.

22. You live with your parents and you are 40 years old.(And they prefer it that way).

23. You don't use measuring cups when cooking.

24. You never learnt how to stand in a queue.

25. You can only travel if there are 5 persons at least to see you off or receive you whether you are traveling by bus, train or plane.

26. If she is NOT your daughter, you always take interest in knowing whose daughter has run with whose son and feel proud to spread it at the velocity of more than the speed of light.

27. You only make long distance calls after 11p.m.

28. If you don't live at home, when your parents call, they ask if you've eaten, even if it's midnight.

29. You call an older person you never met before Uncle or Aunty.

30. When your parents meet strangers and talk for a few minutes, you discover you're talking to a distant cousin.

31. Your parents don't realize phone connections to foreign  countries have improved in the last two decades, and still scream at the top of their lungs when making foreign calls.

32. You have bed sheets on your sofas so as to keep them from getting dirty.

33. Its embarrassing if you're wedding has less than 600 people.

34. All your Tupperware is stained with food color.

35. You have drinking glasses made of steel.

36. You have mastered the art of bargaining in shopping.

37. You have really enjoyed reading this mail - forward it to as many Indians as possible.

I STILL LOVE TO BE AN INDIAN

- LoveNismi (Ansh Rav)

11 Ways to Know That You Love Someone

IT'S TRUE!!!!

11 Ways to Know That You Love Someone

ELEVEN:

You talk with him/her late at night and when you go to bed you still think of him/her.

TEN:

You walk really slowly when you are with him/her.

NINE:

You don't feel Ok when he/she is far away.

EIGHT:

You smile when you hear his/her voice.

SEVEN:

When you look at him/her,you do not see other people around you. You see only him/her.

SIX:

He/She is everything you want to think.

FIVE:

You realize that you smile every time you look at him/her.

FOUR:

You would do anything to see him/her.

THREE:

While you have been reading this, there was a person in your mind all the time.

TWO:

You've been so busy thinking of that person that you didn't notice that number 7 is missing.

ONE:

You are going to check above if that's true and now you are silently laughing to yourself.

NOW MAKE A WISH! YOU KNOW WHAT YOU WANT THE MOST...

- LoveNismi (Ansh Rav)

Sunday, August 23, 2009

Umar ka Khel

Umar 2 Saal.. Nurse Ko ankh mAre..

Umar 3 saal... Bhai ke Cigrate mein Charas dali...

Umar 4 Saal... mandir se Pandit maharaj ke chapal lay key bhaga...

Umer 5 saal... Padosiyoon ki bell Baja ke bhaga...

Umar 6 saal... school ke teacher ko luv letter likha..

Umar 7 saal... pehli baar ghar se bina paise leke bhaga...

Umar 8 Saal... Papa ki Poket se wallet gayab....

Umer 9 saal... aise waise ki cd's Ka dhaanda...

Umar 10 saal... Papa Ki car Road pe..

Umar 11 saal... his 1st candle lite date wit a gal whose 7yr elder then him..

Umar 12 saal... raat Ko subaH, subaH Ko raat....

Umar 13 saal... Hostel mein admmison...

Umar 14 saal... HeadMaster ki baitee ko ley ke Faraar...

Umar 15 saal... Sutte kI duniya Ka baenam baadshah...

Umar 16 saal... pehli baar pakhda gayaa...

Umar 17 Saal... DAaroo kuppi Ki dunya mein naya naam...

Umar 18 saal... Apne college ke principle ko Chaamat mara..

AB maLOOm padha ke Yeh Ladka kaisa Hai...!!!

- LoveNismi (Ansh Rav)

Sunday, August 2, 2009

Hindi Jokes

संता* (बंता से)- मुझे रात भर नींद नहीं आई।
*बंता* (संता से)- क्यों नहीं आई?
*संता*- क्योंकि कल रात भर नींद में मैं यही सपना देखता रहा कि मैं जाग रहा  हूं।
  ------------------------------
जब टाइटेनिक डूब रहा था और सब भाग रहे थे, तब संता ने एक अमेरिकन से पूछा- यहां से जमीन कितनी दूर है?
*अमेरिकन* (संता से)- करीब दो मील दूर।
*संता *(अमेरिकन से)- अरे वाह! मैं तो बहुत अच्छा तैराक हूं। और वह कूद गया।
*संता *(कूदने के बाद)- जमीन किस ओर है?
*अमेरिकन*- नीचे की ओर।
------------------------------
बंता आधी रात को शराब के नशे में जा रहा था। उसका एक पैर फुटपाथ पर पड़ता और दूसरा सड़क पर। पीछे से थानेदार संता ने उसे एक डंडा जमाते हुए पूछा-  क्यों रे,  कितनी पी रखी है तूने?
बंता ने संभलते हुए कहा- याद दिलाने के लिए शुक्रिया कि मैंने पी रखी है। एक घंटे से तो मैं यही सोचकर परेशान था कि मैं अचानक लंगड़ा कैसे हो गया।
------------------------------
*राम* (अध्यापक से) - 'मेरा पर्चा इतना खराब तो नहीं हुआ था कि आप मुझे जीरो देते।'
*अध्यापक* (राम से) - 'यह तो मैं भी समझता हूं कि तुम्हें जीरो नहीं दिया जाना चाहिए था, पर मैं इससे कम जानता ही नहीं हूं।'
------------------------------
एक गंजा मेहमान मेजबान के बच्चे से कहता है, 'बेटा तुम मुझे देखकर हंस क्यों रहे हो?'
*बच्चा- *'अंकल बात यह है कि मम्मी ने मुझे आपके कमरे में शीशा-कंघा रखने के लिए कहा है।'
------------------------------
*पापा *(सोनू से)- शर्माजी की लड़की को देख, क्लास में फ‌र्स्ट आई है, और तुमने मेरी इज्जत मिट्टी में मिला दी।
*सोनू *(पापा से)- पापा, उसे ही तो देखता था, इसलिए फेल हो गया।
------------------------------
*रीना *(राकेश से)- मैंने सुना है कि एक आदमी ने महज एक साइकिल के लिए अपनी पत्नी को मायके भेज दिया। तुम तो ऐसे नहीं हो न?
*राकेश *(रीना से)- नहीं डार्लिग, हरगिज नहीं। मैं इतना गिरा हुआ नहीं हूं। मैं तो कार से कम पर मानूंगा ही नहीं।
------------------------------
*रीना* (राकेश से)- मैं मायके जा रही हूं, तुम्हें तलाक की नोटिस भेज दूंगी। *राकेश* (रीना से)- जाओ, जाओ मैं सब समझता हूं मीठी-मीठी बातें करके मुझे खुश करने की कोशिश मत करो।
------------------------------
*पति *(पत्नी से)- अगर तुम्हें खाना बनाना आता तो मैं आया की छुट्टी कर देता।
*पत्नी *(पति से)- अगर तुम्हें प्यार करना आता तो मैं ड्राइवर की छुट्टी कर देती।
------------------------------
*पत्नी* (पति से)- क्लब में आज एक दिलचस्प पार्टी है, जिसमें सदस्यों से कहा गया है कि घर से एक फालतू चीज लेकर आएं।
*पति* (पत्नी से)- तो तुम क्या ले जा रही हो?
*पत्‍‌नी *(पति से)- मुझे तो कुछ समझ में नहीं आ रहा है, लेकिन आप चल रहे हैं न!
------------------------------
*संता *(अपनी बीवी को फोन करके कहता है): आज मैं घर नहीं आऊंगा।
*बीवी: *पर क्यों?
*संता: *क्योंकि मेरी गाड़ी का ब्रेक, एक्सेलरेटर, क्लच, गियर सब कुछ कोई चुरा ले गया है।
बीवी: अच्छा। संता का फिर थोड़ी देर बाद फोन आया और बोला: मैं घर आ रहा हूं।
*बीवी: *पर कैसे?
*संता: *अरी, मैं पीछे की सीट पर बैठ गया था।
------------------------------
संता अपने मैरिज सर्टिफिकेट को एक घंटे से देखे जा रहा था।
*बंता *(संता से)- यार संता, तुम इतनी देर से अपनी मैरिज सर्टिफिकेट में क्या देख रहे हो?
*संता *(बंता से)- एक्सपाइरी डेट ढूंढ रहा हूं।
------------------------------
*संता *(बंता से)- तुम सोकर कितने बजे उठते हो?
*बंता *(संता से)- जब सूरज की किरणें खिड़कियों से होकर मेरे कमरे में आने लगती हैं।
*संता *(बंता से)- वाह, तुम तो एकदम सुबह उठ जाते हो।
*बंता *(संता से)- नहीं, दरअसल मेरी खिड़कियां पश्चिम की तरफ खुलती हैं।
------------------------------
एक बार संता सिंह को 20 लाख की लॉटरी खुली। संता सिंह पैसे लेने लॉटरी वाले के पास गए।
नंबर मिलाने के बाद लॉटरी वाले ने कहा कि ठीक है सर हम आपको अभी 1 लाख रुपए देंगे और बाकी के 19 लाख आप अगले 19 हफ्तों तक ले सकते हैं।
संता सिंह बोले नहीं मुझे अपने पूरे पैसे अभी ही चाहिए नहीं तो आप मेरे 5 रुपए वापस कर दीजिए।
------------------------------
संता और बंता को तीन बम मिले।
दोनों पुलिस थाने में देने गए।
*बंता* (संता से)- अगर इसमें से एक बम फट गया तो..
*संता* (बंता से)- हम कह देंगे कि हमें केवल दो ही बम मिले थे।
------------------------------
*बंता* (संता से)- ऐसा लगता है कि वो लड़की ऊंचा सुनती है। मैं कुछ कहता हूं वो कुछ और ही बोलती है।
*संता *(बंता से)- वो कैसे?
*बंता*- मैने कहा आई लव यू, तो वह बोली मैंने कल ही नए सैंडल खरीदे हैं।
________________________________________________

*सोनू *(मोनू से)- तुम्हारी छतरी में तो छेद है।
*मोनू *(सोनू से)- हां पता है और इसे मैंने ही किया है।
*सोनू*- लेकिन क्यों?
*मोनू*- अरे यार जब बारिश बंद होती है तो पता चल जाता है।
  ------------------------------
*मास्टर जी *(रोहन से)- तुम्हारी जेब में तीन पाई हैं। अगर इसमें एक पाई और डाल दें तो क्या होगा?
*रोहन *(मास्टर जी से)- मेरी जेब फट जाएगी।
*मास्टर जी*- वह कैसे?
*रोहन *- आप खुद बताइए मेरी इतनी छोटी जेब में चारपाई कैसे आएगी!
------------------------------
*सुरेश *(चिंटू से)- चिंटू, तुमने अभी तक दुनिया का नक्शा क्यों नहीं खरीदा?
*चिंटृू *(सुरेश से)- पिताजी कहते हैं कि दुनिया तेजी से बदल रही है। मैंने सोचा, जब स्थिर हो जाएगी तब खरीदूंगा।
------------------------------
*पिता *(पुत्र से)- बेवकूफ यह क्या कर रहा है? हाथों के बल क्यों चल रहा है?
*पुत्र *(पिता से)- आपकी इच्छा का पालन कर रहा हूं डैडी। आपने कहा था न, अगर तू फेल हो गया, तो घर में कदम नहीं रखने दूंगा।
------------------------------
*पिता *(पुत्र से)- बेटा स्कूल में यह इनाम क्यों मिला है?
*पुत्र *(पिता से)- वाद विवाद में एक घंटा बोलने पर।
*पिता*- अच्छा वाद विवाद का विषय क्या था?
*पुत्र*- कम बोलने से होने वाले फायदे।
------------------------------
*सोनू* (मां से)- मां, आज मेरा दोस्त मेरे घर आ रहा है घर के सभी खिलौने छुपा दे।
*मां* (सोनू से)- तुम्हारा दोस्त चोर है क्या?
*सोनू*- नहीं वह अपने खिलौने पहचान लेगा।
------------------------------
सोनू को मैथ्स के पेपर में जीरो मिला।
*मां *(सोनू से)- सोनू ! तुम्हें मैथ्स में जीरो क्यों मिला?
*सोनू *(मां से)- मां टीचर के पास स्टार खत्म हो गए थे तो उन्होंने प्लेनेट देना शुरू कर दिया।
------------------------------
*पति* (पत्नी से)- क्यों न आज की चाय बाहर चलकर पी जाए।
*पत्नी* (पति से)- क्यों तुम्हें क्या लगता है कि मैं चाय बनाते-बनाते थक गई हूं।
*पति*- अरे नहीं, दरअसल मैं ही कप प्लेट धोते-धोते तंग आ गया हूं।
------------------------------
*प्रिया* (पति से)- मैंने सुना है कि इस मौसम की चांदनी रातों में समझदार लोग भी पागल हो जाते हैं?
पति ने लंबी सांस लेते हुए जवाब दिया, हां, ऐसे ही मौसम की एक चादंनी रात में मैंने तुम्हें शादी के लिए प्रपोज किया था।
------------------------------
*पत्नी* (पति से) - आज तक तुमने अपनी जिंदगी में किया ही क्या है?
*पति *(पत्नी से)- मैंने अपना जीवन खुद बनाया है।
*पत्नी*- लो, और मैं हूं कि अब तक ईश्वर को दोष दे रही थी।
------------------------------
*पत्नी* (पति से)- सुनो जी, अगर इसी रफ्तार से तुम्हारे सिर के बाल झड़ते रहे तो एक दिन मैं तुम्हें तलाक दे दूंगी। मुझे गंजे लोग बिलकुल पसंद नहीं है।
*पति* (पत्नी से)- ऐं मैं भी कितना बेवकूफ हूं, जो कुछ अच्छा मांगने के बजाए भगवान से हमेशा कहता रहा कि मेरे बाल सही सलामत रहे।
------------------------------
*शीना* (रमेश से)- जानते हो मैंने 16 सोमवार व्रत रखा, सालों मंदिरों में मन्नत मांगी, सैंकड़ों गरीबों को दान दिया, तब जाकर कहीं तुम्हें पाया है।
*रमेश* (शीना से)- अच्छा! अगर यह सब न करती तो क्या होता?
*शीना-* तो क्या, तुमसे भी गया गुजरा कोई पल्ले पड़ जाता।
------------------------------
*पति *(पत्नी से)- मैंने आज रात को एक दोस्त को खाने पर बुलाया है।
*पत्नी* (गुस्से में)- तुम्हें हो क्या गया है, घर कैसे फैला हुआ है, मैं
शॅपिंग के लिए भी नहीं गई, बर्तन भी गंदे पड़े हैं और खाना भी आज अच्छा नहीं बनने वाला।
*पति *- मुझे पता है।
*पत्नी* - फिर तुमने अपने दोस्त को क्यों बुलाया?
*पति* - क्योंकि वह बेवकूफ शादी करना चाहता है।
------------------------------
मालिक ने अपने सेक्रेटरी से डांटकर पूछा- मिस रीता, तुम ऑफिस में देर से क्यों आई?
*रीता *- जी, एक नौजवान मेरा पीछा कर रहा था।
*मालिक *(गुस्से में)- यह भी कोई वजह है?
*रीता *- हां बॉस..वह बहुत धीरे-धीरे चल रहा था।
------------------------------
एक किशोर शराब पीकर नशे की हालत में सड़क पर खड़ा था।
*हवलदार* (किशोर से)- यहां क्यों खड़े हो?
*किशोर* - इस समय सारा शहर मेरी आंखों के सामने घूम रहा है, अपना घर आते ही घुस जाऊंगा।
------------------------------
एक बार दो मनचले युवक एक समारोह में खाना खाना चले गए। समारोह के घर वालों ने एक युवक से पूछा- जी हमने आपको पहचाना नहीं, आप कैसे आए है?
युवक ने कहा- मैं लड़के वाले की तरफ से हूं। दूसरे युवक से पूछा तो उसने कहा- जी मैं लड़की वालों की तरफ से हूं।
घर वालों ने कहा- खाना बेशक खाओ, लेकिन यहां कोई शादी नहीं हो रही है, हमारे पिता जी की तेरहवीं है आज।

- LoveNismi (Ansh Rav)                      Keep Comment

Jokes

Prince Charles & Sardarji were having dinner.
Prince said, "Pass the wine you divine".
Sardar thinks "how poetic"
Sardar says, "pass the custard you bastard".

*******

Sardar at bar in New York.
Man on his right says "Johny Walker single"
Man on his left says "Peter Scotch single"
Sardar says - "Baljith Singh Married"

*******
Boss: I am giving u job as a driver. STARTING salary Rs.2000/-, is it o.k.
Sardar: U R great sir! Starting salary is o.k. ......but??
How much is DRIVING salary...?

*******

Sardar's theory: Moon is more impt than Sun, coz it gives light at night
when light is needed
& Sun gives light during the day when light is not needed!!!

*******

2 sardars are driving a Car, one puts on the indicator and asks the other to
check whether its working,
He puts his head out and says YES...NO...YES. ..NO...YES...NO...

- LoveNismi (Ansh Rav)                   Keep Comment

How Girls turn Guys down

HE: I'm a photographer I've been looking for a face like yours!
SHE: I'm a plastic surgeon. I've been looking for a face like
yours

HE: May I have the pleasure of this dance?
SHE: No, I'd like to have some pleasure too !

HE: How did you get to be so beautiful?
SHE: I must have been given your share !

HE: Will you come out with me this Saturday?
SHE: Sorry! I'm having a headache this weekend !

HE: Go on, don't be shy. Ask me out!
SHE: Okay, get out!

HE: I think I could make you very happy
SHE: Why? Are you leaving?

HE: What would you say if I asked u to marry me?
SHE: Nothing. I can't talk and laugh at the same time!

HE: Can I have your name?
SHE: Why, don't you already have one?

HE: Shall we go and see a film?
SHE: I've already seen it!

HE: Do you think it was fate that brought us together?
SHE: Nah, it was plain bad luck !

HE: Where have you been all my life?
SHE: Hiding from you.

HE: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
SHE: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.

HE: Is this seat empty?
SHE: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down .

HE: So, what do you do for a living?
SHE: I'm a female impersonator.

HE: Hey baby, what's your sign?
SHE: Do not enter.

- LoveNismi (Ansh Rav)                     Keep Comment

ENJOY... Jokes

If your boss says: Nothing is impossible, ask him to wear a condom after sex.

*.*.*.*

Fact of life: When a girl attains maturity, she wants to wear a bra...
When a boy attains maturity, he wants to remove that bra.....

*.*.*.*

Teacher: Jimmedari kya hoti hai?
Student: Madam agar apke blouse ke 4 button me se 3 tut jaye to 4th pe Jo
aati hai, usko jimmedari kehte hai.

*.*.*.*.*

Love is not measured by Hugging, Kissing & sex.
It's all about Trusting Respecting & Accepting a person
With open legs, closed eyes & wet lips saying push it more.

*.*.*.*.

Lady: What is a good time for Sex?
Doctor: In the afternoon between 2 to 4.
Lady: Why?
Dr: The compounder will not be here...

*.*.*.*.*

Mother found a condom in daughter's cupboard.
She went straight to her n asked: What is this?
Girl: To aap kya chahti hain, main is umar mein Maa ban jaaun?!

*.*.*.*.*

Sex is evil
Evil is sin
Sin is forgiven
So let's begin.

*.*.*.*

Boy: How much Calcium is there in women's BREAST?
Girl: Enough to help a Man's boneless thing stand up.

Keep Comment

The Most – Greatest – Deadliest

The Most Destructive Habit............................. Worry

The Greatest Joy..........................................Giving

The Greatest Loss.......................... Loss of Self-Respect

The Most Satisfying Work...........Helping Others

The Ugliest Personality Trait...................Selfishness

The Most Endangered Species............Dedicated Leaders

Our Greatest Natural Resource...................Our Youth

The Greatest "Shot in the Arm"...............Encouragement

The Greatest Problem to Overcome...................Fear

The Most Effective Sleeping Pill...........Peace of Mind

The Most Crippling Failure Disease................Excuses

The Most Powerful Force in Life...................Love

The Most Dangerous Pariah...................A Gossiper

The World's Most Incredible Computer............The Brain

The Worst Thing to Be Without.......................Hope

The Deadliest Weapon...........................The Tongue

The Two Most Power-Filled Words...................”I Can"

The Greatest Asset........................................Faith

The Most Worthless Emotion........................Self- Pity

The Most Beautiful Attire...........................Smile!

The Most Prized Possession...................Integrity

The Most Powerful Channel of Communication........Prayer

The Most Contagious Spirit......................Enthusiasm

- LoveNismi (Ansh Rav)                    Keep Comment

No God or Know God?

No God or Know God?

An atheist professor of philosophy speaks to his class on the problem

Science has with God, The Almighty.

He asks one of his new students to stand and.....

Prof: So you believe in God?

Student: Absolutely, sir.

Prof: Is God good?

Student: Sure.

Prof: Is God all-powerful?

Student: Yes.

Prof: My brother died of cancer even though he prayed to God to heal him.

Most of us would attempt to help others who are ill. But God didn't. How is

This God good then? Hmm? (Student is silent.)

Prof: You can't answer, can you? Let's start again, young fellow. Is God

Good?

Student: Yes.

Prof: Is Satan good?

Student: No.

Prof: Where does Satan come from?

Student: From...God....

Prof: That's right. Tell me son, is there evil in this world?

Student: Yes.

Prof: Evil is everywhere, isn't it? And God did make everything. Correct?

Student: Yes.

Prof: So who created evil?

(Student does not answer.)

Prof: Is there sickness? Immorality? Hatred? Ugliness? All these terrible

Things exist in the world, don't they?

Student: Yes, sir.

Prof: So, who created them?

(Student has no answer.)

Prof: Science says you have 5 senses you use to identify and observe the

World around you. Tell me, son...Have you ever seen God?

Student: No, sir.

Prof: Tell us if you have ever heard your God?

Student: No, sir.

Prof: Have you ever felt your God, tasted your

God, smelt your God? Have you ever had any sensory perception of God For?

That matter?

Student: No, sir. I'm afraid I haven't.

Prof: Yet you still believe in Him?

Student: Yes.

Prof: According to empirical, testable,

Demonstrable protocol, science says your GOD doesn't exist. What do you say?

To that, son?

Student: Nothing. I only have my faith.

Prof: Yes. Faith. And that is the problem science

Has.

Student: Professor, is there such a thing as

Heat?

Prof: Yes.

Student: And is there such a thing as cold?

Prof: Yes.

Student: No sir. There isn't.

(The lecture theatre becomes very quiet with this Turn of events.)

Student: Sir, you can have lots of heat, even

More heat, superheat, mega heat, white heat, a little heat or no heat. But

We don't have anything called cold. We can hit 458 degrees below zero which

Is no heat?

But we can't go any further after that. There is

No such thing as cold. Cold is only a word we use to describe the absence of

Heat. We cannot measure cold.

Heat is energy. Cold is not the opposite of heat,

Sir, just the absence of it.

(There is pin-drop silence in the lecture Theatre.)

Student: What about darkness, Professor? Is there

Such a thing as darkness?

Prof: Yes. What is night if there isn't darkness?

Student: You're wrong again, sir. Darkness is the

Absence of something. You can have low light, normal light, bright light,

Flashing light....But if you have no light constantly, you have nothing and

Its called darkness, isn't it? In reality, darkness isn't.

If it were you would be able to make darkness

Darker, wouldn't you?

Prof: So what is the point you are making, young

Man?

Student: Sir, my point is you’re philosophical

Premise is flawed.

Prof: Flawed? Can you explain how?

Student: Sir, you are working on the premise of

Duality. You argue there is life and then there is death, a good God and a

Bad God. You are viewing the concept of God as something finite, something

We can measure.

Sir, science can't even explain a thought. It

Uses electricity and magnetism, but has never seen, much less fully

Understood either one.

To view death as the opposite of life is to be

Ignorant of the fact that death cannot exist as a substantive thing. Death

Is not the opposite of life: just the absence of it? Now tell me, Professor.

Do you teach your students that they evolved from a monkey?

Prof: If you are referring to the natural

Evolutionary process, yes, of course, I do.

Student: Have you ever observed evolution with

Your own eyes, sir?

(The Professor shakes his head with a smile,

Beginning to realize where the argument is going.)

Student: Since no one has ever observed the

Process of evolution at work and cannot even prove that this process is an

On-going Endeavour, are you not teaching your opinion, sir? Are you not a

Scientist but a preacher?

(The class is in uproar.)

Student: Is there anyone in the class who has

Ever seen the Professor's brain?

(The class breaks out into laughter.)

Student: Is there anyone here who has ever heard

The Professor's brain, felt it, touched or smelt it? No one appears to have

Done so. So, according to the established rules of empirical, stable,

Demonstrable protocol, science says that you have no brain, sir.

With all due respect, sir, how do we then trust?

Your lectures, sir?

(The room is silent. The professor stares at the Student, his face unfathomable. )

Prof: I guess you'll have to take them on faith,

Son.

Student: That is it sir... The link between man &

God is FAITH.

That is all that keeps things moving & alive..................

- LoveNismi (Ansh Rav)                      Keep Comment