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Tuesday, October 28, 2008

She is a woman

If you kiss her, you are not a gentleman
If you don't, you are not a man

If you praise her, she thinks you are lying
If you don't, you are good for nothing

If you agree to all her likes, you are a wimp
If you don't, you are not understanding

If you visit her often, she thinks it is boring
If you don't, she accuses you of double-crossing

If you are well dressed, she says you are a playboy
If you don't, you are a dull boy

If you are jealous, she says it's bad
If you don't, she thinks you do not love her

If you attempt a romance, she says you didn't respect her
If you don't, she thinks you do not like her

If you are a minute late, she complains it's hard to wait
If she is late, she says that's a girl's way

If you visit another man, you're not putting in "quality time"
If she is visited by another woman, "oh it's natural, we are girls"

If you kiss her once in a while, she professes you are cold
If you kiss her often, she yells that you are taking advantage

If you fail to help her in crossing the street, you lack ethics
If you do, she thinks it's just one of men's tactics for seduction

She is a womanIf you stare at another woman, she accuses you of flirting
If she is stared by other men, she says that they are just admiring

If you talk, she wants you to listen
If you listen, she wants you to talk

In short:
So simple, yet so complex
So weak, yet so powerful
So damning, yet so wonderful
So confusing, yet so desirable......

-Love Nismi

Lover to his Ex-gal friend

*Hi*
*Here is a letter written by a depressed to lover to his Ex-gal friend. Please read it carefully and I can see u is smiling there!!!!*

*======== ========= ========== ====*

*A letter to Ex-Girl Friend*

*Dear XXX,*

Thanks for being my love for *one and half years,* when you receive this letter I believe you might have selected a new boy friend and started enjoying your dating.

Every lovers needs to struggle a bit to get a boy friend or girl friend.
Monisha euro| In order to recover your missing, *I got another girl from next street & as you know this is my forth love, from all my past experiences I have learned a lot*.

When the love blossoms everyone starts writing love letters, you know very well EURO| I have written many love letter to you , and writing a love letter in poetic way is not so easy nowadays MONISHA , and it EURO(tm)s a time consuming work, In order to avoid all this *I* *need all my lover letters back so that I can put corrector and send to my new girl friend ,* please send it back to me, *I don EURO(tm)t have poetic references or any photocopy of these letters.*

Another thing MONISHA, I have given you one cute photo of mine , can you send it to me please , *you know better that this is the only photo I look very cute & handsome and this photo I have taken when I was in my very first love. *

And also, during my 1 Â1/2 years of love days I have spend lot of monies for impressing you , I am attaching a list of expenses which I request you to clear it at the earliest.

*The expenses are as follows:*
Lunch / Dinner ; 895, Cool Drinks 2938 Rs, Snacks 5645 Rs. , Juice 3845 Rs. Cinema 1235Rs. Internet Chatting 1499 Rs. , Mobile 2546 Rs. Petrol 4255 Rs. Gift Items 7850 Rs, Grand Total : 30,708 rs (in Words : Thirty Thousand Seven Hundred and Eight Rupees).

Please try to clear the above amount so that I can spend these monies on my new girl friend, and more over if you have any of my gift lying with you, am ready to take these packs in half prices. Please calculate the value of packs left over and deduct it from the above statement of account. I am enclosing herewith your love letters (Weigh around 4 Kg) so that you no need to write again to your boy friend and your photo so that you can give to your new BF.

Also, please advise your expenses which incurred during our dates, I don EURO (tm) I think you have got any expenditure during these dates, *I have seen many time that you always forget your purse when it comes to pay. * Anyway I hope you will clear the above outstanding at the earliest and wishing you a very wonderful 6th love affair with Subil.

You’re Ex-lover

*XXXYYYZZZ*

Thursday, October 23, 2008

How a withdraws cash from ATM

How a BOY withdraws cash from ATM

1. Park the car
2. Go to ATM Machine
3. Insert card
4. Enter PIN
5. Take money out
6. Take ATM Card out
7. Drive away

How a GIRL withdraws cash from ATM

1. Park the car
2. Check makeup
3. Turn off engine
4. Check makeup
5. Go to ATM
6. Hunt for ATM card in the purse
7. Insert card
8. Hit Cancel
9. Hunt in purse for chit with PIN written on it
10. Insert card
11. Enter PIN
12. Take cash
13. Go to car
14. Check makeup
15. Start car
16. Stop car
17. Run back to ATM
18. Take ATM card
19. Back to car
20. Check makeup
21. Start car
22. Check makeup
23. Drive for 1/2 mile
24. Release handbrake

-Nishal
-LoveNismi (Ansh Rav)

જ્યારે કોઇ છોકરો કોઇ છોકરી ને પ્રપોઝ કરે ત્યારે સામે છોકરી ના શું જવાબો હોઇ શકે.. ?એમાના કેટલાક જવાબો અહિ છે.

1) ના [ Jaane aa ek j word aavadto hoy..]

2) મે ક્યારેય નહ્તુ વિચાર્યું કે તમે મારા વિશે આવું વિચરો છો. [ leh..aa vichare pan che...???]

3) હું તો તમને કાયમ એક સારા મિત્ર તરીકેજ જોતી હતી અને તમે ? [badha natak che]

4) સોરી હું તો પહેલાથી જ એંગેજ છું. [haa 10 ma std. ma hati tyar thi]

5) હું આવી બધી વાતોમાં નથી માનતી. તારૂ ભણવામાં ધ્યાન લગાવ.[pote chori karine pass thati hase]

6) હજું હું તમને બરાબર જાણતી નથી. [photo aapo janva maate]

7) પણ તમે તો મને બેન કહીને બોલાવતા હતા ને ? [bas ene e j yaad che]

8) હું આ સંબન્ધ માટે હજુ પુરી રીતે તૈયાર નથી. [haju 30-40 varas lagse]

9) હું મારી બહેંપણી ને પુછી ને જવાબ આપીશ.. (એમા બહેનપણી ને પુછવાની શું જરૂર છે એ ખબર નથી પડતી )

10 ) આટલી વાત કહેવામાં આટલો બધો ટાઇમ લાગ્યો.

11) તારૂ મોઢું જોયું છે અરીસામાં કોઇ દીવસ ? ( જાણે પોતે રોજ અરીસાની સામેજ બેસી રહેતી હોય )

12)કશું પણ બોલ્યા વગર હસ્યા કરશે ( જાણે એની સામે કોઇ જોકર ઉભો હોય )


- Nishal
- LoveNismi

Friday, October 17, 2008

Problem of Married Software Programmer in India

Husband - hey dear, I am logged in.

Wife - would you like to have some snacks?


Husband - hard disk full.

Wife - have you brought the saree?


Husband - Bad command or file name.

Wife - but I told you about it in morning


Husband - erroneous syntax, aborts, retry, and cancel.

Wife - hae bhagwan! Forget it where’s your salary.


Husband - file in use, read only, try after some time.

Wife - at least give me your credit card, I can do some shopping.


Husband - sharing violation, access denied.

Wife - I made a mistake in marrying you.


Husband - data type mismatch.

Wife - you are useless.


Husband - by default.

Wife - who was there with you in the car this morning?


Husband - system unstable press ctrl, alt, del to Reboot.

Wife - what is the relation between you & your Receptionist?


Husband - the only user with write permission.

Wife - what is my value in your life?


Husband - unknown virus detected.

Wife - do you love me or your computer?


Husband - Too many parameters.

Wife - I will go to my dad’s house.


Husband - program performed illegal operation, it will close.

Wife - I will leave you forever.


Husband - close all programs and log out for another User.

Wife - it is worthless talking to you.


Husband - shut down the computer.

Wife - I am going


Husband - It’s now safe to turn off your computer


By:- Ansh Rav

Love Nismi