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Friday, March 27, 2009

Jokes to Make You Laugh

BOY : May I hold your hand?
GIRL : No thanks, it isn't heavy.

GIRL : Say you love me! Say you love me!
BOY : You love me...

GIRL : If we become engaged will you give me a ring??
BOY : Sure, what's your phone number??

GIRL : I think the poorest people are the happiest.
BOY : Then marry me and we'll be the happiest couple

GIRL : Darling, I want to dance like this forever.
BOY : Don't you ever want to improve??

BOY : I love you and I could die for you!
GIRL : How soon??

BOY : I would go to the end of the world for you!
GIRL : Yes, but would you stay there??

SHARON : Have you ever had a hot passionate, burning
Kiss??
TRACY : I did once. He'd forgotten to take the
Cigarette out of his mouth.

MAN : You remind me of the sea.
WOMAN : Because I'm wild, romantic and exciting?
MAN : NO, because you make me sick.

WIFE : You tell a man something, it goes in one ear
And comes out of the other.
HUSBAND : You tell a woman something: It goes in both
Ears and comes out of the mouth.

MARY : John says I'm pretty. Andrew says I'm ugly.What
Do u think,
Peter?
PETER : A bit of both. I think you're pretty ugly.

1) Girlfriend : "...And are you sure you love me and
No one else ?"
Boyfriend : "Dead Sure! I checked the whole list again
Yesterday".

2) Teacher : "Which is more important to us, the sun Or the moon?"
Pupil : "The moon".
Teacher : "Why?"

Pupil : "The moon gives us light at night when we need It but the sun gives us light only in the day time When we don't need it".

3) Teacher : "What do you call a person who keeps on Talking when people are no longer interested?"

Pupil : "A teacher".

4) Waiter : "Would you like your coffee black?"
Customer : "What other colors do you have?"

5) My father is so old that when he was in school,
History was called current affairs.

6) Teacher : "Sam, you talk a lot !"
Sam : "It's a family tradition".
Teacher : "What do you mean?"
Sam : "Sir, my grandpa was a street hawker, my father
Is a teacher".
Teacher : "What about your mother?"
Sam : "She's a woman".

7) Tom : "How should I convey the news to my father
That I've failed?"
David: "You just send a telegram: Result declared,
Past year's performance repeated".

8) Teacher : "Now, children, if I saw a man beating a
Donkey and stopped him, what virtue would I be Showing?"
Student : "Brotherly love".
9) Teacher : "Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say
Prayers before eating?"
Sam : "No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good
Cook".

10) Patient : "What are the chances of my recovering
Doctor?"
Doctor : "One hundred percent. Medical records show That nine out of ten people die of the disease you Have. Yours is the tenth case I've treated. The others All died".

11) Teacher : " Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?"
One Student : "Sir, my Mother and Father got married On the same day and at the same time."

12) Teacher : " George Washington not only chopped
Down his father's Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it.
Now do you know why his father didn't punish him ?"
One Student: " Because George still had the axe in is
hand.

 

- LoveNismi (Ansh Rav)

Thursday, March 19, 2009

Shree Lord Ganesha

Lord Ganesh

 

The Lord Ganesha

Definition of friendship

*The definition of Friendship*

      What is a true friend? Often, I have struggled to understand what makes one person there, truly, more than the next. We all go through life with different people by our sides at different times in our lives. But some people distinguish themselves. They are true friends.

There are times in all of our lives when we need the comfort and solace of someone who understands completely, and for some reason, continues to help us when we are at our worst, perhaps even exhausting them.

          Going through a time of crisis reveals that your real friends are. It's not to say that those who are not there for you in these bad times are not good people or good friends. But you get to see their true dedication and moral character when you face adversity.

          But your real, true, friends are the ones who come through with flying colors, when you do not even have to ask. There is something magical about the bonds of true friendship. Though you may not have many kinds of these people in your life, be thankful for the ones who are there. The people in our lives are a blessing.

          When going through rough times, don't expect everyone to understand—you will just be let down more if they do not. Reach out to your friends if you want them to understand, and give them the opportunity to help. (They aren't mind readers!)

         If you do not find someone to understand, you know that the person has not defined themselves in your eyes as the kind of person who will be there through thick and thin.

          You can still value people in your life who are not "till the end" friends. These people have just as much to offer, and it should be said that each person in your life is there for a reason. If a friend just does not get the idea that you need him or her, try and understand what that person is going through, or how they view the relationship.

            Don't be afraid to confront your friend to see if everything is okay. And most of all, don't expect everyone to run to your aid. Everyone is busy with his or her own lives. Rest assured, however, you will find a friend who will be there for you, and you will never truly be alone. Open your eyes to the people in your life and look for someone who you can depend on.

         Most of all return the favor! When someone goes out on the live for you. You should do the same. Thank friends who have helped you through rough times and let them know how much you appreciate all they have done and who they are!

- LoveNismi (Ansh Rav)

20 Golden Rules for any Office

Rule 1
The Boss is always right.

Rule 2
If the Boss is wrong, see rule 1.

Rule 3
Those who work get more work.
Others get pay, perks, and promotions.

Rule 4
Ph.D. stands for "Pull Him Down".
The more intelligent a person,
the more hardworking a person,
the more committed a person;
the more number of persons are engaged in pulling that person down.

Rule 5
If you are good, you will get all the work.
If you are really good, you will get out of it.

Rule 6
When the Bosses talk about improving productivity,
they are never talking about themselves.

Rule 7
It doesn't matter what you do,
it only matters what you say you've done and what you are going to do.

Rule 8
A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the butt.

Rule 9
Don't be irreplaceable.
If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

Rule 10
The more crap you put up with,
the more crap you are going to get.

Rule 11
If at first you don't succeed, try again.
Then quit.
No use being a damn fool about it.

Rule 12
When you don't know what to do,
walk fast and look worried.

Rule 13
Following the rules will not get the job done.

Rule 14
If it weren't for the last minute,
nothing would get done.

Rule 15
Everything can be filed under
"Miscellaneous".

Rule 16
No matter how much you do,
you never do enough.

Rule 17
You can do any amount of work
provided it isn't the work you are supposed to be doing.

Rule 18
In order to get a promotion,
you need not necessarily know your job.

Rule 19
In order to get a promotion,
you only need to pretend that you know your job.

Rule 20
The last person that quit or was fired
will be held responsible for everything that goes wrong.

- LoveNismi (Ansh Rav)

I AM NOT YOUR FRIEND IF

I AM NOT YOUR FRIEND IF.....

You have to think before you speak to me!

I AM NOT YOUR FRIEND IF.....

my presence ever makes you feel uncomfortable!

I AM NOT YOUR FRIEND IF.....

you have to thank me for everything i do for you!

I AM NOT YOUR FRIEND IF.....

you have to say sorry for everything

that you don't do!

I AM NOT YOUR FRIEND IF.....

you have to ask me for favors!

I AM NOT YOUR FRIEND IF.....

you think i would not be curious to

know your new philosophy of life!

I AM NOT YOUR FRIEND IF.....

you go by what i say and do not understand

what i don't say!

I AM NOT YOUR FRIEND IF.....

you think that listening to your dreams

would put me to sleep!

I AM NOT YOUR FRIEND IF.....

you think that seeing you in pain, would

not bring a tear to me!

I AM NOT YOUR FRIEND IF.....

you think I do not remember the first time

we met!

I AM NOT YOUR FRIEND IF.....

you don't see the thousand ways I try to

make you happy!

I AM NOT YOUR FRIEND IF.....

you don't realize how your smile brightens

up my day!

I AM NOT YOUR FRIEND IF.....

you would rather keep quiet when you really

wanna talk!

I AM NOT YOUR FRIEND IF.....

you hesitate to ask me to stay back when

you think we should be together!

I AM NOT YOUR FRIEND IF.....

you take too much time to tell me what i

mean to you!

Am I Your FRIEND ????

- LoveNismi (Ansh Rav)