No matter

No matter how high the sky is,
How deep the ocean is,
How strong the wind is,
How wide the river is,

I just want to tell YOU….

*****************************************

Andhe ke hath me "TORCH",
Bahare ke hath me "RADIO",

Gunge ke hath me "MIKE",
AUR AAP KE HATH ME "MOBILE"

WAH WAH Kya Jamana Aaya hai!!!

*****************************************

Aap itrate bahut ho
Dil ko behlate bahut ho

Sochte hai aap ko DINNER par le jaaye
Par kya kare ZALIM tum khate bahut ho.

*****************************************

Amiri ke khwab Dekhne laga,
Angreji Sharab Chakhane laga,

Baap ne kabhi Pager nahi dekha,
Aur beta Mobile rakhne laga!!!

- LoveNismi (Ansh Rav)

LIFE WITHOUT GIRLS

LIFE WITHOUT GIRLS:

The result

Markets silent

Streets empty

The police at rest

All mobile companies in loss

No SMS

No Flowers

No Valentine

No Candles

No Perfumes

All the men directed to Heaven.

May I know the time please?

Young Man: Sir, may I know the time, please?

Old Man: Certainly not.

Young Man: Sir, but why? What are you going to loose,if you tell me the time?

Old Man: Yes, I may loose something if I tell you the time.

Young Man: But Sir, can you tell me how?

Old Man : See, if I tell you the time you will definitely thank me and may be tomorrow again you will ask me the time.

Young Man: Quite possible.

Old Man: May be we meet two three times more and you will ask my name and address.

Young Man: Quite possible.

Old Man: One day you may come to my house saying you were just passing by and came into wish me. Then as a courtsey, I will offer you a cup of tea. After my courteous approach you will try to come again. This time you will appreciate tea and ask who has made it.?

Young Man: Possible.

Old Man: made it Then I will tell you that my daughter has and I will then have to introduce my young and pretty daughter to you &; you will admire my daughter.

Young Man: Smiles. ;)

Old Man: Now onwards you will try to meet my daughter  again and again. You will offer her to go out for a movie together and a date with you.

Young Man: Smiles

Old Man: My daughter may start liking you and start waiting for you. After meeting regularly you will fall in love with her and propose her for marriage.

Young Man: Smiles

Old Man: One day both of you will come to me and tell me about your love and ask for my permission.

Young Man: Oh Yes! And smiles

Old Man: (Angrily) Young man, I will never marry my daughter to a person like you who does not even own a watch.

- Lovenismi (Ansh Rav)

દિલથી ભારતવાસી

અમે યુ.એસ.એ. ના રહેવાસી પણ છીએ દિલથી ભારતવાસી

અમેરિકા તો વર્લ્ડ-ક્લાસ છે મનમાં એવો દમામ
ડોલર-સેંટમાં દીઠા સૌએ અડસઠ તીરથધામ

ન્યુ જર્સી કે મેનહટન વોશિંગટન બાલ્ટીમોર
વેસ્ટ કોસ્ટમાં હોલીવુડ ને ડીઝની કેરો શોર

સાંજ પડે ને સાંભરે અમને ડેડ-મોમ ને માસી
અમે યુ.એસ.એ. ના રહેવાસી પણ છીએ દિલથી ભારતવાસી

મોટલ વાળા પટેલ મગનભાઇ મેક થયા છે ભાઇ
નોખા રહેતા ઇંડિયન થઇ કહેવાયા એન.આર.આઇ

સ્વીચ ઉંધી નળ ઉંધા ચાલે ગાડી ઉંધે પાટે
ક્રિકેટ ગિલ્લી-દંડા છોડી બેઝબોલ માટે બાધે

ગોટ-પિટ ગોટપિટ કરતા જો મોટેલ પર બેઠા માસી
અમે યુ.એસ.એ. ના રહેવાસી પણ છીએ દિલથી ભારતવાસી


- Lovenismi (Ansh Rav)

સાઈન્ટીસ્ટસ on Swarg

બધા સાઈન્ટીસ્ટસ મરીને સ્વર્ગમાં ભેગા થાય છે…ઘણો સમય સાથે રહી કાંઈ કામ ન હોવાથી છેલ્લે તેઓ કંટાળીને થપ્પો રમવાનું વિચારે છે…

બદનસીબે આઈન્સ્ટાઈન નો દાવ હતો….એણે ૧….૨…..એમ ૧૦૦ ગણવાના હતા અને પછી બધાને શોધીને થપ્પો કરવાનો હતો…

ન્યુટન સિવાય બધા છુપાઈ ગયા. ન્યુટન ૧ મીટર ૧ મીટર નું ચોરસ દોરી તેમાં ઉભો રહી ગયો. એ પણ આઈન્સ્ટાઈન ની બાજુમાં જ…

આઈન્સ્ટાઈને ગણવાનું શરુ કર્યુ….૧,૨,૩,….૯૮,૯૯ અને ૧૦૦….આંખ ખોલી અને એણે જોયું તો ન્યુટન બાજુમાં જ ઊભો હતો…

આઈન્સ્ટાઈન બૂમ પાડી ને બોલ્યો….”અરે ન્યુટન નો થપ્પો, ન્યુટન નો થપ્પો…”

ન્યુટન મક્કમ મનોબળ અને અત્યંત દૃઢતાથી કહે છે …” હું આઊટ નથી કારણ કે હું ન્યુટન નથી….”

બધા ટાઈમ પ્લીઝ કરીને બહાર આવે છે…..અને ન્યુટન ને પૂછે છે શું થયુ??
ન્યુટન કહે છે ” હું એક સ્ક્વેર મીટર એરીયા માં ઉભો છું…જુઓ આ માર્ક કરેલ એરીયા…એટલે હું છું ન્યુટન પર સ્ક્વેર મીટર પણ ન્યુટન પર સ્ક્વેર મીટર એટલે પાસ્કલ………..એટલે હું નહીં પણ પાસ્કલ આઊટ છે

- Lovenismi (Ansh Rav)

Love Marriage VS Arranged Marriage - The IT Perspective

Love Marriage: Resembles procedural programming language. We have some set functions like flirting, going to movies together, making long conversations on phone and then try to fit all functions to the candidate we like.

Arranged Marriage: Similar to object oriented programming approach. We first fix the candidate and then try to implement functions on her. The main object is fixed and various functions are added to supplement the main program. The functions can be added or deleted.

Love Marriage: It is a throwaway type of prototype as client requirements rises with time thus it is a dynamic system and difficult to maintain.

Arranged Marriage: Requirements are well defined so use of waterfall model is possible.

Love Marriage: Family system hangs because hardware called parents are not responding.

Arranged Marriage: Compatible with hardware Parents.

Love Marriage: You are the project leader so u are responsible for implementation and execution of PROJECT- married life.

Arranged Marriage: You are a team member under project leader parents so they are responsible for successful execution of project Married life.

Love Marriage: Client expectations include exciting feature as spouse cooking food, washing clothes etc.

Arranged Marriage: All these features are covered in the SRS as required features.

Love Marriage: Acceptance test possible you can try before you Buy.

Arranged Marriage: Product is sold on an as is where is basis, Product once sold will not be taken back!

- LoveNismi (Ansh Rav)

Marriage Jokes repeat

CASE 1

Getting married is like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want, then when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that.

CASE 2

At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, "Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger??" The other replied, "Yes, I am. I married the wrong man."

CASE 3

Before a man is married, he is incomplete. Then when he is married, he is finished.

CASE 4

Marriage is an institution in which a man losses his bachelor's degree and the woman gets her master's status.

CASE 5

A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married??" And the father replied, "I don't know son, I'm

still paying for it."

CASE 6

Young son : "Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa, a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?"

Dad : "That happens in most countries son."

CASE 7

Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married, and then it was too late."

CASE 8

A happy marriage is a matter of give and take; the husband gives and the wife takes

CASE 9

When a newly married man looks happy, we know why. But when a ten-year married man looks happy, we wonder why. Affair ?

CASE 10

In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.

CASE 11

After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a fool when I married you." And the Husband replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice it."

CASE 12

A man inserted an 'ad' in the classified : "Wife wanted". The next day, he received hundreds letters. They all said the same thing "You can have mine."

CASE 13

When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing : either the car is new or his wife is new.

CASE 14

A woman was telling her friend : "It is I who made my husband a millionaire."

And what was he before you married him?" the friend asked. The woman replied, "A Billionaire."

- LoveNismi (Ansh Rav)

Jokes

An old rich man marries a young gal.

Interviewer asks the girl: Apne inmein shaadi ke liye kya dekha?

Girl: Ek to inki income aur doosre inke din kum.

****************************************

PRINCIPAL :Agar koi ladka girls hostel mein gaya toh first time 100 Rs fine, 2nd time 200 Rs. Fine and 3rd time 500.

MUNNA BHAI :Boley to Monthly paas ka kya lega Mamu?

****************************************

TUSI bade hi gr8 ho,
RASGULLE ki pl8 ho,
PEPSI ka cr8 ho,
ANDE ka oml8 ho,
SMS KARANE ME bade le8 ho,
JALEBI ki tarah stra8 ho,
KHER jo bhi ho mere fevr8 ho...!

****************************************

Boy : Janeman! Tute huye dil se pyaar karogi ya dil tutne tak pyaar karogi.

Girl : Harmkhor! Tuti huyi chappal se pitega ya chappal tutne tak pitega.

- LoveNismi (Ansh Rav)

jokes more

Teacher :What happened in 1869?

Student:Gandhi ji was born.

Teacher :What happened in 1873?

Student:Gandhiji was four years old.!

------------------------------------------------------- 

Question:What is the fullform of MATHS. ?

Anwser: Mentaly Affected Teachers Harrasing Students

-------------------------------------------------------Teacher :Because of Gandhiji's hard work what do we get on 15th August.

Student:A holiday

-------------------------------------------------------Teacher :Tomorrow there will be a lecture on Sun.Everyone must attend it.

Raju:No ma'm! I will not be able to attend it.

Teacher :Why?

Raju:My mother will not allow me to go so far!!!

------------------------------------------------------- 

Teacher: How old is ur father.
Sunny:As old as I am.
Teacher:How is it possible?
Sunny:He became father only after I was born.

------------------------------------------------------- 

Teacher: (1)There is a frog, (2)Ship is sinking, (3)potatoes cost Rs 3/kg.
Then, what is my age?
STUDENT:32 yrs.
Teacher:How do you know?
STUDENT:Well,my sister is 16 yrs old and she is half mad.

------------------------------------------------------- 

Teacher: Where does God live?
Little boy: I think he lives in our bathroom.
Teacher: Why do you say that?
Little boy: Well, every morning my daddy bangs on the door and says, 'God, are you still in there?'
------------------------------------------------------- 
Teacher:"What is your name?".
Student:"Mera naam Suraj Prakash hai."
Teacher:"When I ask aquestion in english,answer it in english."
Student:"My name is Sunlight.

- LoveNIsmi (Ansh Rav)

School Vs Hindi Film

School ------- Yaadein
Pricipal ------ Jaani Dushman
Classes ------- Kabhi Kabhi
Canteen------- Kabhi Alvida Na Kehna
Home Work -------- Godzilla
Exams -------- Kalyug
Examination Hall---- Chamber Of Secret
Exam-Time ---------- Qayamat Se Qayamt Tak
Question Paper --------- Paheli
Answer Paper ---------- Kora Kagaz
Cheating ---------- Aksar/Chupke Chupke
Paper Out ---------- Plan
Examiner ------------- The Killer
Last Exam ----------- Independence Day
aper Correction --------- Andha Kanoon
Marks ----------- Assambhav
Result ----------- Murder
Pass ------------ Ajjoba/ Chamatkar
Fail ----------- Devdas
Supplementary ------- Aakhri Raas
- Lovenismi (Ansh Rav)

Computer Vs. Hindi Films

Pentium III & Pentium I - Bade miyan and Chhote miyan.
Computer infected by Virus - Pyar to Hona hitha.
Hard disk and Floppy disk - Gharwaali Baharwaali.
F1 - Guide.
Esc - Nau Do Gyarah.
Ctrl+Alt+Del - AkhriRastaa.
CrtlC + CtrlV - Duplicate.
Undo - Aa ab lautchale.
Super User Password - Gupt.
BackUp - Jaagteraho.
UPS - Janta Hawaldar.
Server -Godfather.
Proxy Server - Padosan.
Security -Nakabandi.
Storage - Tehkhana.
Storage capacity -Badhti ka naam Dadhi.
Computer without RAM - KoraKagaz.
Computer whose OS is DOS - Buddha mil gaya.
System which frequently requires bootable disk - Sharabi.
DumbTerminal - Anari.
Mouse - Jaanwar.
Hard Disk partition- Batwara.
Hardware & Software - Ek duje ke liye.
Tempo rary file - Khote Sikkey.
Operator vs Computer - Meinkhiladi Tu Anadi

- LoveNismi (Ansh Rav)

Lifes like that..

TWO TOUGH QUESTIONS
Question 1:
If you knew a woman who was pregnant, who had 8 kids already, three who were deaf, two who were blind, one mentally retarded, and she had syphilis, would you recommend that she have an abortion?

Read the next question before looking at the response for this one.

Question 2:

It is time to elect a new world leader, and only your vote counts. Here are the facts about the three candidates.

Candidate A
Associates with crooked politicians, and consults with astrologists. He's had two mistresses. He also chain smokes and drinks 8 to 10 martinis a day.

Candidate B
He was kicked out of office twice, sleeps until noon, used opium in college and drinks a quart of whiskey every evening.

Candidate C
He is a decorated war hero. He's a vegetarian, doesn't smoke, drinks an occasional beer and never cheated on his wife.

Which of these candidates would be your choice?

Decide first... no peeking, then scroll down for the response.

**** **** **** **** **** **** **** **** ****

Candidate A is Franklin D. Roosevelt.

Candidate B is Winston Churchill.

Candidate C is Adolph Hitler.

And, by the way, on your answer to the abortion question:

If you said YES . . .

. . . you just killed Beethoven.

Pretty interesting isn't it? Makes a person think before judging someone.

- LoveNismi ( Ansh Rav )

Chinese to Chinese

Chinese speaking to a Chinese operator...
Caller: Hello, can I speak to Annie Wan?
Operator: Yes, you can speak to me.
Caller: No, I want to speak to Annie Wan!
Operator: Yes I understand you want to speak to anyone. You can speak to me. Who is this?
Caller: I'm Sam Wan. And I need to talk to Annie Wan! It's urgent.
Operator: I know you are someone and you want to talk to anyone! But what's this urgent matter about?
Caller: Well... just tell my sister Annie Wan that our brother Noe Wan was involved in an accident. Noe Wan got injured and now Noe Wan is being sent to the hospital. Right now, Avery Wan is on his way to the hospital.
Operator: Look, if no one was injured and no one was sent to the hospital, then the accident isn't an urgent matter! You may find this hilarious but I don't have time for this!
Caller: You are so rude! Who are you?
Operator: I'm Saw Ree.
Caller: Yes! You should be sorry. Now give me your name!!
Operator: That's what I said. I'm Saw Ree..

- LoveNismi (Ansh Rav)

New Theory about Women

1. To find a woman you need time and money therefore: women = time x money ............@

2. "Time is money " so time = money ...........................@

3. Therefore: women =money x money women = ( money )^2 ............@

4. "Money is the root of all problems "money = ( problems )^1/2 ......@

5. Therefore: women = (problems)^2/2

6. And the final conclusion is women = problems

- LoveNismi (Ansh Rav)

One day Lil Johny says to his father

One day Lil Johny says to his father:

I want to get married.
Father: Oh, so do you have someone special in your mind?
Johny: Yes, Grandma
Father: What? There is a problem now; you want to marry my Mother?
Johny: Why not? You married my mother

__________________________________

L.Johnny: Can I go to the toilet?
Teacher: Johhny, MAY I go to the toilet?
L.Johnny: But I asked first!

__________________________________

Summer vacation was over and the teacher asked Little Johnny about his family trip. "We visited my grandmother in Minneapolis, Minnesota." The teacher asked, "Good, can you tell the class how you spell that?" Little Johnny said, "Actually, we went to Ohio."

__________________________________________________

"Johnny, did your Mother help you with your homework last night?" the teacher asked.
"No, she did it all," Little Johnny replied.

__________________________________________________

"Dad," said Little Johnny, "I'm late for football practice. Would you please do my homework for me?"

Little Johnny's father said irately, "Son, it just wouldn't be right."

"That's okay," replied Little Johnny "At least you could try, right?"

________________________________________

Teacher: If you had one dollar and you asked your father for another, how many dollars would you have?

Little Johnny: One dollar.

Teacher (sadly): You don't know your arithmetic.
Little Johnny (sadly): You don't know my father

__________________________

Teacher: "Hello boys, Remember!!! Nothing is impossible."

Little Johnny: "OK sir, could you please squeeze out all the toothpaste and put back it into the tube again."

- LoveNismi (Ansh Rav)

What is 'Governance System

What is 'Governance System’?

As a daily habit Pintu was reading newspaper.

Suddenly he asked his father, “Dad! What does it mean by 'Governance System?"

“It’s like...” father said while thinking, “See! I earn and bring money to home, mean's I am a 'Money Holder'. Your mother decides where and how to spend that money and that means she is 'Government'. That maid in our home is doing all the household works, so she will be 'Labour Class'.

You are a 'Common man' or 'Public'. Your kid brother is 'Future' or the 'Next Generation', understand?”

That day Pintu slept with all those thoughts. In the middle of the night he woke-up because his kid brother was crying. He wetted the matrices so he was crying. Pintu went to woke-up his mother. She was in deep sleep so Pintu went to the Maiden's room to wake her up. But there his father was sleeping with the maid. So he came back with frustration.

Next morning father asked Pintu, “Hey Pintu Darling! You understood the
'Governance System'? ".

Pintu replied, “Yeah Dad, I understood! When money Holder is exploiting Labour Class, our Government is sleeping. Future of our nation is crying for not getting their basic needs fulfilled and in all this Common Man is suffering!"

- LoveNismi (Ansh Rav)

Real good explanations

1. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: "I am very rich."Marry me!" - That's Direct Marketing..."

2. You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl. One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you says: "He's very rich."Marry him." -That's Advertising..."

3. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and get her telephone number. The next day, you call and say: "Hi, I'm very rich. "Marry me" - That's Telemarketing..."

4. You're at a party and see gorgeous girl. You get up and straighten your tie, you walk up to her and pour her a drink, you open the door (of the car) for her, pick up her bag after she drops it, offer her ride and then say:"By the way, I'm rich. Will you "Marry Me?" - That's Public Relations..."

5. You're at a party and see gorgeous girl. She walks up to you and says:"You are very rich! "Can you marry ! me?" - That's Brand Recognition..."

6. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: "I am very rich. Marry me!" She gives you a nice hard slap on your face. - "That's Customer Feedback..."

7. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: "I am very rich. Marry me!" And she introduces you to her husband. - That's demand and supply gap..."

8. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and before you say anything, another person come and tell her: "I'm rich. Will you marry me?" and she goes with him - "That's competition eating into your market share..."

9. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and before you say: "I'm rich, Marry me!" your wife arrives. - "That's restriction for entering new markets..."

See this is called girls attitude so please be care

fullllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll guys!

- LoveNismi (Ansh Rav)

Address kaha ka...

Ek faqir maangne ke liye masjid ke baahar baitha raha...

Sab namaazi aankh bacha kar chale Gaye...

Usey kuch Na mila...

Woh phir church Gaya, phir mandir aur phir gurudware...

Lekin usko kissi ne kuch Na diya...

Aakhir ek maikhane ke baahar aakar baith Gaya...

Jo sharabi nikalta uske katorey mein kuch daal deta...

Uska katora noton se bhar Gaya...

Faqir bola, "wah mere khuda...!!

Rahtey kahaan ho aur address kahaan ka dete ho.... "

- LoveNismi ( Ansh Rav)

amazing questions

1. Some months have 30 days, some months have 31 days. How many months have 28 days?

2. If a doctor gives you 3 pills and tells you to take one pill every half hour, how long would it be before all the pills had been taken?
3. I went to bed at eight 8 'clock in the evening and wound up my clock and set the alarm to sound at nine 9 'clock in the morning. How many hours sleep would I get before being awoken by the alarm?
4. Divide 30 by half and add ten. What do you get?
5. A farmer had 17 sheep. All but 9 died. How many live sheep were left?
6. If you had only one match and entered a COLD and DARK room, where there was an oil heater, an oil lamp and a candle, which would you light first?
7. A man builds a house with four sides of rectangular construction, each side having a southern exposure. A big bear comes along. What color is the bear?
8. Take 2 apples from 3 apples. What do you have?
9. How many animals of each species did Moses take with him in the Ark?
10. If you drove a bus with 43 people on board from Chicago and stopped at Pittsburgh to pick up 7 more people and drop off 5 passengers and at Cleveland to drop off 8 passengers and pick up 4 more and eventually arrive at Philadelphia 20 hours later, What's the name of the driver?
- LoveNismi ( Ansh Rav)

Be Your Own Boss, Take Action

Be Your Own Boss, Take Action
There is a big difference between wanting to become your own boss, and actually becoming your own boss. Find out what you need to know and overcome to make your dreams a reality

Being a Entrepreneur
To be a successful entrepreneur you will need a good idea, money, a little luck, and hard work (lots of it). 90 % of the most successful people fail the most, meaning you must first lose something (your initial investment) before you gain anything (profits, equity, etc.).

Women Entrepreneurs
Somehow even before I start this topic what goes in my mind is that who all would be interested in reading about woman entrepreneurs. Intuition and experience says it'll be 80% women, reason being men do not find any interest in the growth aspects of women. This is to the extent of not even getting interested in reading about topics related to progress of women. This might sound chauvinistic, but no amount of advancement is able to change the basic psychology of males.

- LoveNismi ( Ansh Rav)