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Showing posts with label Commedy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Commedy. Show all posts

Friday, December 4, 2009

કઇંક થાય ને મળવા આવે દોસ્ત હજાર

 

કઇંક થાય ને મળવા આવે દોસ્ત હજાર,

ક્યાં એવી રીક્ષા અને ક્યાં એવા રસ્તા,

ત્યાની રેસ્ટોરન્ટ મોઘીં ને ત્યાના પાન સસ્તા,

Mehsana મા જાત જાત ના લોકો વસતા,

ફ્રેન્ડસ જોડે ટાઇમ નીકળે હસતા હસતા.

ક્યાં એવો વરસાદ,

ક્યાં એવી ગરમી,

કોને યાદ નથી મમ્મી ના ખોળા ની નરમી.

ક્યાં મળે છોકરીઓ આટલી હસતી શરમાતી,

ક્યાં મળે કોઇ સુરવાલ સાડીમા દિલ ધડકાવતી,

ક્યાં મળે કોઇને દુકાન આટલી સસ્તી,

ક્યાં મળે દુકાનદારોની આવી ઘરાક ભક્તી,

ક્યાં મળે કોઇને જીવન મા આટલી મસ્તી,

સૌથી બેસ્ટ આપડી Mehsana ની વસ્તી..

ક્યાં એવી ઉત્તરાયણ, ક્યા એવી હોળી,

તહેવારો મા ભેગી થાય આખી ફ્રેન્ડસની ટોળી,

ક્યાં એવી નવરત્રિ,

ક્યાં એવી દિવાળી,

ક્યાં એવા ડાન્ડીયા,

ક્યાં એવા ધમાકા.

ક્યા મળે Fuvara Bazar ની રંગીલી સાંજ,

ક્યા મળે Modhera Road ની ચટાકેદાર રાત,

ક્યા મળે એ gathiya jalebi ni મજા,

ક્યા મળે એ મોડી રાતોની રજા,

ક્યા મળે Rangoli જેવી પાવ-ભાજી,

ક્યા મળે Zalak જેવુ પાન,

ક્યા મળે PRATIMA જેવી ચા ને કોફી,

ક્યા મળે Sahyog જેવી નાન.

Mehsana નો રંગ નીરાળો,

Mehsana નો ઢંગ નીરાળો

- Loveable Poet                          Give Comment

Aisi Apni wife ho,

 

Aisi apni wife ho,

5.5 Jiski hight ho,

Jeans jiski tight ho,

Chehra jiska bright ho,

Weight mein thori light ho,

Umer mein difference slight ho,

Thori se woh quite ho,

Toh mamorable her ek night ho,

Aisi apni wife ho,

Sarak per sab kaheen kya cute hai,

Bheer mein sab kahee hindustan ki paidaish ho,

Beauty multiply by twice ho,

Favorite color white ho,

Make up thora light ho,

Zulfain dynamite ho,

Aankhein uski jaise sunny twilight ho,

Honton ko dekh kar lagey jaise coke diet ho,

Jub sari pehan ker nikley toh kya sight ho,

Aisa lagey jaisey swtizerland ki flight ho,

Aisi apni wife ho agar aisi toh kya haseen life ho..

- Loveable Poet                          Give Comment

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Wah Wah!!!

Saap Ne Piya Bakri Ka Khoon ...
.
.
Waah! Waah!
.
.
Saap Ne Piya Bakri Ka Khoon ...
Good Afternoon! Good Afternoon! Good Afternoon!!


1)Tere Pyaar Mein Paagal Ho Gaya Peter ...
.
.
Waah! Waah!
.
.
Tere Pyaar Mein Paagal Ho Gaya Peter ...
Ab Hero Honda Splendor, 80 km Prati Litre .. !!


2)Bahaar Aane Se Pehle Fizaa Aa Gayii ...
.
.
Waah! Waah!
.
.
Bahaar Aane Se Pehle Fizaa Aa Gayii ....
Phool Ko Khilne Se Pehle Bakri Kha Gayii .. !!


3)Aatma Chhod Gayii Shareer Puraana ...
.
.
Waah! Waah!
.
.
Aatma Chhod Gayii Shareer Puraana ...
Didi Tera Devar Deewana .. !


4) Yashomati Maiyya Se Bole Nandlala ...
.
.
Waah! Waah!
.
.
Yashomati Maiyya Se Bole Nandlala ...
"Maa, Tata Sky Laga Daala To Life Jhingalala ....!!"


5)Hoton Pe "Haan" Hai ...
Dil Mein "Naa" Hain ....
.
.
Waah! Waah!
.
.
Hoton Pe "Haan" Hai ...
Dil Mein "Naa" Hain ...
Shashi Kapoor Kehta Hai: "Mere Paas Maa Hai ...."

- Loveable Poet                    Give Comment

The Four Cats

Four men were bragging about how smart Their cats were.

The first man was an Engineer,

The second man was an Accountant,

The third man was a Chemist, and

The fourth man was a Government Employee.

To show off, the Engineer called his cat,

'T - square, do your stuff.'

T-square pranced over to the desk,

Took out some paper and pen and promptly

Drew a circle, a square, and a triangle.

Everyone agreed that was pretty smart.

 

But the Accountant said his cat could do better.

He called his cat and said,

'Spreadsheet, do your stuff.'

Spreadsheet went out to the kitchen and returned

With a dozen cookies.

He divided them into 4 equal piles of 3 cookies.

Everyone agreed that was pretty good!

 

But the Chemist said his cat could do better.

He called his cat and said,

'Measure, do your stuff.'

Measure got up, walked to the fridge,

Took out a quart of milk,

Got a 10 ounce glass from the cupboard

And poured exactly 8 ounces

Without spilling a drop into the glass.

Everyone agreed that was pretty good.

Then the three men turned to the

Government Employee and said,

'What can your cat do?'

 

The Government Employee called his cat and said,

'Coffee Break, do your stuff.'

Coffee Break jumped to his feet.......

Ate the cookies..... ..

Drank the milk.......

Ripped the paper into pieces.......

Incited a brawl with the other three cats.......

Claimed he injured his back while doing so.......

 

Filed a grievance report for unsafe working conditions.. .....

Put in for Workers' Compensation. ......... .....and

Went home for the rest of the day on sick leave.

AND THAT, MY FRIEND, IS WHY EVERYONE WANTS TO

WORK FOR THE GOVERNMENT!!

- Loveable Poet                    Keep Comment

Sunday, September 20, 2009

5 Reasons Why Couples Fight and Breakup

"5 Reasons Couples Fight and Breakup and What you Can Do About It"Nearly everyone has experienced a relationship breakup or divorce and it can be one of the most painful periods in your life as you try to heal your broken heart.  What we have discovered in our relationship coaching practice, many breakups don't have to happen.

So, if breakups don't have to occur, what cases them and how can you prevent them? Here are four ideas to help you better understand why breakups happen and what you can do to prevent them in your relationship.

dating_hubby_wife_Funzug.org_01

1. Old Fears Surface.

It's to be expected that being in an intimate relationship will inevitable bring up fears and challenges from the past.  These might include fearing not being good enough, attractive enough, wealthy enough or even feelings of abandonment.  If fears are not expected, looked at and healed, they interfere in some way or another with the health of every relationship. Take some time to notice when the fears surface, be loving with Yourself but look inward instead of outward blaming your partner for what clearly is your issue.

Ask yourself if your fears are "true" or are you just making "stories" up in your head.  If you are creating those "stories" and there's no basis of truth to them, then change your thinking.  It's not always easy to do and it takes moment by moment monitoring of your Thoughts. If you need help and support to make the changes you want in your life, be courageous enough to get it.

You may not have healed your broken heart from past relationships that ended and you find it very difficult to trust your current partner or open your heart completely to him or her.  We suggest that you stop living from the hurt of those past relationships and bring yourself into the present moment, without continuing the "stories" of the past.  Commit to starting over, allowing your fears to be there but reminding yourself that this is a new day.

2.  Not Feeling Understood, Valued, Loved and Appreciated.

Everyone wants to feel understood, valued, loved and appreciated and when we're not, we tend to either withdraw or attack the other person for not meeting our needs.  If you want to be appreciated, start appreciating the other people in your life.  Sounds simplistic but it really works!

If you are not feeling loved, start being open to seeing and feeling love and appreciation that people are giving you that you may not be aware of in your daily life.  It may be that someone allows you to go ahead of them in traffic or tells you to go ahead in a grocery line.  Send some appreciation back to them and to everyone around you and watch love snowball in your life.

3.  Not Making their Relationship a Priority.

Many couples take each other for granted and don't give their relationship the attention it needs most of the time. The lack of closeness and connection can be overwhelming and can cause great loneliness.  Make your relationship a priority in your life.  Set aside time everyday to connect with your partner.

We believe that sex happens long before the bedroom.  It starts all day long when you have thoughts about your partner--Are these thoughts positive or negative?  It continues when you come together--Are you happy to see each other and express love and appreciation or do you great each other with a laundry list of chores, things to be done or grievances? These are just a couple of ways we make our relationship a priority. Try them in yours!

4.  One or Both People are Made to Feel They are "Wrong."

One of the biggest mistakes people make is that they make each other wrong. As soon as critical words are said, defenses and walls go up and suddenly that person who you love and they love you becomes an "enemy."

Before you jump into blaming and judging your partner, stop and take a moment to breathe. Ask yourself if making your partner wrong will drive you further apart or move you closer toward healing.  Open your heart to understanding the dynamics of what's going on between the two of you. Understand the full story before you start making someone wrong.  So often we assume to know what is in someone's heart and we really don't.  Take the
time to find out!

5. Not healing your heart after a previous relationship
breakup

Many people go from relationship to relationship without truly healing their hearts. They never discover what went wrong in their previous relationship and what they could have done differently.  They keep repeating the same mistakes over and over again and always expect a different outcome.

fightn_brkup_Funzug.org_01

How to Start Dating Your Husband or Wife Again?

It's never too late to start dating your husband or wife. Most married people will tell you that "dating" becomes harder to do  With each child that comes along. Even those few couples who manage to fit in a date once in a while can feel like they are not getting enough "couple" time.

- LoveNismi (Ansh Rav)               Keep Comment

Sunday, September 6, 2009

Original ગુજરાતીઓ

G:- ગજબ

U :- યાદ રહીજાય તેવા

J :- જક્કાસ

A :- અલ્ટિમેટ

R :- રાપ્ચિક

A :- એડવાન્સ

T :- ટકાટક

I :- ઈન્ટેલીજન્ટ

હવે ગુજરાતીમાં સાંભળ

 

ગુ :- ગુચવી નાખે તેવા

જ :- જબ્બર માઈન્ડ વાળા

રા :- રાજ કરે એવા(બધાના દિલો પર)

તી :- તીર જેવા ધારદાર.

આ બધી જ વસ્તુઓ માત્ર એકજ કાષ્ટમાં જોવા મળે છે આને કહેવાય original ગુજરાતીઓ.....

- LoveNismi (Ansh Rav)

Doctor to Sardar

Doctor to sardar patient : Ab aapki tabiyat kaisi hai.

Sardar : Doctor saheb Pehle se jyada kharab ho gayi hai.

Doctor : dawai khali thi kya?

Sardar : Nai doctor saheb. dawai ki shishi to bhari hui thi.

Doctor : Are Sardar ji mere kehne ka matlab hai ki, dawai le li thi kya.

Sardar : Ji, aapne dawai de di thi aur maine le lit hi.

Doctor: Abe, dawai pili thi kya?

Sardar : Oho, nai doctor saheb dawai to lal thi.

Doctor : Abe GADHE, Dawai ko piliya tha kya?

Sardar : Nai. Doctor, Piliya to mujhe tha.

Doctor( in frustration) : Abe teri to, Dawai ko muh lagakar Pet me dala tha k nai?

Sardar : Nai doctor saheb.

Doctor : Kyon?

Sardar : Kyonki dhakkan band tha.

Doctor : Teri sale, to Khola kyon nai.

Sardar : Saheb, aapne hi to kaha tha ki, shishi ka dhakkan band rakhna.

Doctor : Tera ilaz main nai kar sakta.!

Sardar : Accha Doctor saheb ye to bata do ki main thik kaise hounga…

- LoveNismi (Ansh Rav)

Saturday, September 5, 2009

Why Are Indians Easy to Identify

WHY ARE INDIANS EASY TO IDENTIFY

We are like this only so true, so very true........

1. Everything you eat is savored in garlic, onion and tomatoes.

2. You try and reuse gift wrappers, gift boxes, and of course aluminum foil.

3. You are always standing next to the two largest size suitcases at the Airport.

4. You arrive one or two hours late to a party - and think it's normal.

5. You peel the stamps off letters that the Postal Service missed to stamp.

6. You recycle Wedding Gifts, Birthday Gifts and Anniversary Gifts.

7. You name your children in rhythms (example, Sita & Gita, Ram & Shyam, Kamini & Shamini)

8. All your children have pet names, which sound nowhere, close to their real names.

9. You take Indian snacks anywhere it says 'No Food Allowed.'

10. You talk for an hour at the front door when leaving someone's house.

11. You load up the family car with as many people as possible.

12. HIGH PRIORITY You use plastic to cover anything new in your house, whether it's the remote control, VCR, carpet or new couch.

13. Your parents tell you not to care what your friends think, but they won't let you do certain things because of what the other 'Uncles and Aunties' will think.

14. You buy and display crockery, which is never used, as it is for special occasions, which never happen.

15. You have a vinyl tablecloth on your kitchen table.

16. You use grocery bags to hold garbage.

17. You keep leftover food in your fridge in as many numbers of bowls as possible.

18. Your kitchen shelf is full of jars, varieties of bowls and plastic utensils (got free with purchase of other stuff).

19. You carry a stash of your own food whenever you travel (and travel means any car ride longer than 15 minutes).

20. You own a rice cooker or a pressure cooker.

21. You fight over who pays the dinner bill.

22. You live with your parents and you are 40 years old.(And they prefer it that way).

23. You don't use measuring cups when cooking.

24. You never learnt how to stand in a queue.

25. You can only travel if there are 5 persons at least to see you off or receive you whether you are traveling by bus, train or plane.

26. If she is NOT your daughter, you always take interest in knowing whose daughter has run with whose son and feel proud to spread it at the velocity of more than the speed of light.

27. You only make long distance calls after 11p.m.

28. If you don't live at home, when your parents call, they ask if you've eaten, even if it's midnight.

29. You call an older person you never met before Uncle or Aunty.

30. When your parents meet strangers and talk for a few minutes, you discover you're talking to a distant cousin.

31. Your parents don't realize phone connections to foreign  countries have improved in the last two decades, and still scream at the top of their lungs when making foreign calls.

32. You have bed sheets on your sofas so as to keep them from getting dirty.

33. Its embarrassing if you're wedding has less than 600 people.

34. All your Tupperware is stained with food color.

35. You have drinking glasses made of steel.

36. You have mastered the art of bargaining in shopping.

37. You have really enjoyed reading this mail - forward it to as many Indians as possible.

I STILL LOVE TO BE AN INDIAN

- LoveNismi (Ansh Rav)

Complex Women

Women Are Such Complex Creatures:

If you kiss her, you are not a gentleman,
If you don't you are not a man.

If you praise her, she thinks you are lying,
If you don't, you are good for nothing.

If you agree to all her likes, you are a wimp,
If you don't you are not understanding.

If you visit her often, you are boring,
If you don't she accuses you of double crossing.

If you are well dressed, she says you are a playboy,
If you don't, she says you are a dull guy.

If you are a minute late, she complains it's hard to wait,
If she is late, she says it is a girls way.

If you kiss her once in a while, she professes you are cold,
If you kiss her often, she yells you are taking advantage.

If you talk, she wants you to listen,
If you listen, she wants you to talk.

IN SHORT...
So simple, yet so complex,
So weak, yet so powerful,
So confusing, yet so desirable,
So damming, yet so wonderful... WOMEN

- LoveNismi (Ansh Rav)

Kalyug ka Maths

1.) SSC + HSC + BMS + MBA = UNEMPLYOMENT.

2.) An Idea + An Idiot = A Dot com.

3.) Sushmita Sen - 1.2 feet = Salman Khan.

4.) 4 weeks in Switzerland + London + New Zealand + Canada = 4 minute song in Hindi movies.

5.) Rona dhona x Bewafai x Badle ki aag = Your mum's favourite serials.

6.) Amitabh Bachchan + Jaya Bachchan = Abhishek Bachchan -Talent.

7.) 1 smile + 32 teeth = Govinda

8.) 1 person - shirt = Salman Khan

9.) 1 person + straight hair + unstraight walk = Sanjay dutt

10.) 1 hand + 10 kg weight = Sunny Deol

11.) One man + one woman = Isha Deol

12.) Time waste - time = Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi

13.) Boring songs + heavy dialogues + Bogus dressing = Devdas

14.) New heroes + New heroins = a flop movie

15.) Old heroes + new heroins = a blunder

16.) Old heroes + old heroins = timepass

17.) action - suspense + comedy - thrill - story - clothes = Indiansuperhit movie

18.) Do aur do paanch = Indian algebra

19.) 1 Lady - 1/2 Clothes = Mallika Sherawat

20.) 1 Lady + 1 Buffalo = Yana Gupta,

- LoveNismi (Ansh Rav)

Sunday, August 2, 2009

Hindi Jokes

संता* (बंता से)- मुझे रात भर नींद नहीं आई।
*बंता* (संता से)- क्यों नहीं आई?
*संता*- क्योंकि कल रात भर नींद में मैं यही सपना देखता रहा कि मैं जाग रहा  हूं।
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जब टाइटेनिक डूब रहा था और सब भाग रहे थे, तब संता ने एक अमेरिकन से पूछा- यहां से जमीन कितनी दूर है?
*अमेरिकन* (संता से)- करीब दो मील दूर।
*संता *(अमेरिकन से)- अरे वाह! मैं तो बहुत अच्छा तैराक हूं। और वह कूद गया।
*संता *(कूदने के बाद)- जमीन किस ओर है?
*अमेरिकन*- नीचे की ओर।
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बंता आधी रात को शराब के नशे में जा रहा था। उसका एक पैर फुटपाथ पर पड़ता और दूसरा सड़क पर। पीछे से थानेदार संता ने उसे एक डंडा जमाते हुए पूछा-  क्यों रे,  कितनी पी रखी है तूने?
बंता ने संभलते हुए कहा- याद दिलाने के लिए शुक्रिया कि मैंने पी रखी है। एक घंटे से तो मैं यही सोचकर परेशान था कि मैं अचानक लंगड़ा कैसे हो गया।
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*राम* (अध्यापक से) - 'मेरा पर्चा इतना खराब तो नहीं हुआ था कि आप मुझे जीरो देते।'
*अध्यापक* (राम से) - 'यह तो मैं भी समझता हूं कि तुम्हें जीरो नहीं दिया जाना चाहिए था, पर मैं इससे कम जानता ही नहीं हूं।'
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एक गंजा मेहमान मेजबान के बच्चे से कहता है, 'बेटा तुम मुझे देखकर हंस क्यों रहे हो?'
*बच्चा- *'अंकल बात यह है कि मम्मी ने मुझे आपके कमरे में शीशा-कंघा रखने के लिए कहा है।'
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*पापा *(सोनू से)- शर्माजी की लड़की को देख, क्लास में फ‌र्स्ट आई है, और तुमने मेरी इज्जत मिट्टी में मिला दी।
*सोनू *(पापा से)- पापा, उसे ही तो देखता था, इसलिए फेल हो गया।
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*रीना *(राकेश से)- मैंने सुना है कि एक आदमी ने महज एक साइकिल के लिए अपनी पत्नी को मायके भेज दिया। तुम तो ऐसे नहीं हो न?
*राकेश *(रीना से)- नहीं डार्लिग, हरगिज नहीं। मैं इतना गिरा हुआ नहीं हूं। मैं तो कार से कम पर मानूंगा ही नहीं।
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*रीना* (राकेश से)- मैं मायके जा रही हूं, तुम्हें तलाक की नोटिस भेज दूंगी। *राकेश* (रीना से)- जाओ, जाओ मैं सब समझता हूं मीठी-मीठी बातें करके मुझे खुश करने की कोशिश मत करो।
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*पति *(पत्नी से)- अगर तुम्हें खाना बनाना आता तो मैं आया की छुट्टी कर देता।
*पत्नी *(पति से)- अगर तुम्हें प्यार करना आता तो मैं ड्राइवर की छुट्टी कर देती।
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*पत्नी* (पति से)- क्लब में आज एक दिलचस्प पार्टी है, जिसमें सदस्यों से कहा गया है कि घर से एक फालतू चीज लेकर आएं।
*पति* (पत्नी से)- तो तुम क्या ले जा रही हो?
*पत्‍‌नी *(पति से)- मुझे तो कुछ समझ में नहीं आ रहा है, लेकिन आप चल रहे हैं न!
------------------------------
*संता *(अपनी बीवी को फोन करके कहता है): आज मैं घर नहीं आऊंगा।
*बीवी: *पर क्यों?
*संता: *क्योंकि मेरी गाड़ी का ब्रेक, एक्सेलरेटर, क्लच, गियर सब कुछ कोई चुरा ले गया है।
बीवी: अच्छा। संता का फिर थोड़ी देर बाद फोन आया और बोला: मैं घर आ रहा हूं।
*बीवी: *पर कैसे?
*संता: *अरी, मैं पीछे की सीट पर बैठ गया था।
------------------------------
संता अपने मैरिज सर्टिफिकेट को एक घंटे से देखे जा रहा था।
*बंता *(संता से)- यार संता, तुम इतनी देर से अपनी मैरिज सर्टिफिकेट में क्या देख रहे हो?
*संता *(बंता से)- एक्सपाइरी डेट ढूंढ रहा हूं।
------------------------------
*संता *(बंता से)- तुम सोकर कितने बजे उठते हो?
*बंता *(संता से)- जब सूरज की किरणें खिड़कियों से होकर मेरे कमरे में आने लगती हैं।
*संता *(बंता से)- वाह, तुम तो एकदम सुबह उठ जाते हो।
*बंता *(संता से)- नहीं, दरअसल मेरी खिड़कियां पश्चिम की तरफ खुलती हैं।
------------------------------
एक बार संता सिंह को 20 लाख की लॉटरी खुली। संता सिंह पैसे लेने लॉटरी वाले के पास गए।
नंबर मिलाने के बाद लॉटरी वाले ने कहा कि ठीक है सर हम आपको अभी 1 लाख रुपए देंगे और बाकी के 19 लाख आप अगले 19 हफ्तों तक ले सकते हैं।
संता सिंह बोले नहीं मुझे अपने पूरे पैसे अभी ही चाहिए नहीं तो आप मेरे 5 रुपए वापस कर दीजिए।
------------------------------
संता और बंता को तीन बम मिले।
दोनों पुलिस थाने में देने गए।
*बंता* (संता से)- अगर इसमें से एक बम फट गया तो..
*संता* (बंता से)- हम कह देंगे कि हमें केवल दो ही बम मिले थे।
------------------------------
*बंता* (संता से)- ऐसा लगता है कि वो लड़की ऊंचा सुनती है। मैं कुछ कहता हूं वो कुछ और ही बोलती है।
*संता *(बंता से)- वो कैसे?
*बंता*- मैने कहा आई लव यू, तो वह बोली मैंने कल ही नए सैंडल खरीदे हैं।
________________________________________________

*सोनू *(मोनू से)- तुम्हारी छतरी में तो छेद है।
*मोनू *(सोनू से)- हां पता है और इसे मैंने ही किया है।
*सोनू*- लेकिन क्यों?
*मोनू*- अरे यार जब बारिश बंद होती है तो पता चल जाता है।
  ------------------------------
*मास्टर जी *(रोहन से)- तुम्हारी जेब में तीन पाई हैं। अगर इसमें एक पाई और डाल दें तो क्या होगा?
*रोहन *(मास्टर जी से)- मेरी जेब फट जाएगी।
*मास्टर जी*- वह कैसे?
*रोहन *- आप खुद बताइए मेरी इतनी छोटी जेब में चारपाई कैसे आएगी!
------------------------------
*सुरेश *(चिंटू से)- चिंटू, तुमने अभी तक दुनिया का नक्शा क्यों नहीं खरीदा?
*चिंटृू *(सुरेश से)- पिताजी कहते हैं कि दुनिया तेजी से बदल रही है। मैंने सोचा, जब स्थिर हो जाएगी तब खरीदूंगा।
------------------------------
*पिता *(पुत्र से)- बेवकूफ यह क्या कर रहा है? हाथों के बल क्यों चल रहा है?
*पुत्र *(पिता से)- आपकी इच्छा का पालन कर रहा हूं डैडी। आपने कहा था न, अगर तू फेल हो गया, तो घर में कदम नहीं रखने दूंगा।
------------------------------
*पिता *(पुत्र से)- बेटा स्कूल में यह इनाम क्यों मिला है?
*पुत्र *(पिता से)- वाद विवाद में एक घंटा बोलने पर।
*पिता*- अच्छा वाद विवाद का विषय क्या था?
*पुत्र*- कम बोलने से होने वाले फायदे।
------------------------------
*सोनू* (मां से)- मां, आज मेरा दोस्त मेरे घर आ रहा है घर के सभी खिलौने छुपा दे।
*मां* (सोनू से)- तुम्हारा दोस्त चोर है क्या?
*सोनू*- नहीं वह अपने खिलौने पहचान लेगा।
------------------------------
सोनू को मैथ्स के पेपर में जीरो मिला।
*मां *(सोनू से)- सोनू ! तुम्हें मैथ्स में जीरो क्यों मिला?
*सोनू *(मां से)- मां टीचर के पास स्टार खत्म हो गए थे तो उन्होंने प्लेनेट देना शुरू कर दिया।
------------------------------
*पति* (पत्नी से)- क्यों न आज की चाय बाहर चलकर पी जाए।
*पत्नी* (पति से)- क्यों तुम्हें क्या लगता है कि मैं चाय बनाते-बनाते थक गई हूं।
*पति*- अरे नहीं, दरअसल मैं ही कप प्लेट धोते-धोते तंग आ गया हूं।
------------------------------
*प्रिया* (पति से)- मैंने सुना है कि इस मौसम की चांदनी रातों में समझदार लोग भी पागल हो जाते हैं?
पति ने लंबी सांस लेते हुए जवाब दिया, हां, ऐसे ही मौसम की एक चादंनी रात में मैंने तुम्हें शादी के लिए प्रपोज किया था।
------------------------------
*पत्नी* (पति से) - आज तक तुमने अपनी जिंदगी में किया ही क्या है?
*पति *(पत्नी से)- मैंने अपना जीवन खुद बनाया है।
*पत्नी*- लो, और मैं हूं कि अब तक ईश्वर को दोष दे रही थी।
------------------------------
*पत्नी* (पति से)- सुनो जी, अगर इसी रफ्तार से तुम्हारे सिर के बाल झड़ते रहे तो एक दिन मैं तुम्हें तलाक दे दूंगी। मुझे गंजे लोग बिलकुल पसंद नहीं है।
*पति* (पत्नी से)- ऐं मैं भी कितना बेवकूफ हूं, जो कुछ अच्छा मांगने के बजाए भगवान से हमेशा कहता रहा कि मेरे बाल सही सलामत रहे।
------------------------------
*शीना* (रमेश से)- जानते हो मैंने 16 सोमवार व्रत रखा, सालों मंदिरों में मन्नत मांगी, सैंकड़ों गरीबों को दान दिया, तब जाकर कहीं तुम्हें पाया है।
*रमेश* (शीना से)- अच्छा! अगर यह सब न करती तो क्या होता?
*शीना-* तो क्या, तुमसे भी गया गुजरा कोई पल्ले पड़ जाता।
------------------------------
*पति *(पत्नी से)- मैंने आज रात को एक दोस्त को खाने पर बुलाया है।
*पत्नी* (गुस्से में)- तुम्हें हो क्या गया है, घर कैसे फैला हुआ है, मैं
शॅपिंग के लिए भी नहीं गई, बर्तन भी गंदे पड़े हैं और खाना भी आज अच्छा नहीं बनने वाला।
*पति *- मुझे पता है।
*पत्नी* - फिर तुमने अपने दोस्त को क्यों बुलाया?
*पति* - क्योंकि वह बेवकूफ शादी करना चाहता है।
------------------------------
मालिक ने अपने सेक्रेटरी से डांटकर पूछा- मिस रीता, तुम ऑफिस में देर से क्यों आई?
*रीता *- जी, एक नौजवान मेरा पीछा कर रहा था।
*मालिक *(गुस्से में)- यह भी कोई वजह है?
*रीता *- हां बॉस..वह बहुत धीरे-धीरे चल रहा था।
------------------------------
एक किशोर शराब पीकर नशे की हालत में सड़क पर खड़ा था।
*हवलदार* (किशोर से)- यहां क्यों खड़े हो?
*किशोर* - इस समय सारा शहर मेरी आंखों के सामने घूम रहा है, अपना घर आते ही घुस जाऊंगा।
------------------------------
एक बार दो मनचले युवक एक समारोह में खाना खाना चले गए। समारोह के घर वालों ने एक युवक से पूछा- जी हमने आपको पहचाना नहीं, आप कैसे आए है?
युवक ने कहा- मैं लड़के वाले की तरफ से हूं। दूसरे युवक से पूछा तो उसने कहा- जी मैं लड़की वालों की तरफ से हूं।
घर वालों ने कहा- खाना बेशक खाओ, लेकिन यहां कोई शादी नहीं हो रही है, हमारे पिता जी की तेरहवीं है आज।

- LoveNismi (Ansh Rav)                      Keep Comment

Jokes

Prince Charles & Sardarji were having dinner.
Prince said, "Pass the wine you divine".
Sardar thinks "how poetic"
Sardar says, "pass the custard you bastard".

*******

Sardar at bar in New York.
Man on his right says "Johny Walker single"
Man on his left says "Peter Scotch single"
Sardar says - "Baljith Singh Married"

*******
Boss: I am giving u job as a driver. STARTING salary Rs.2000/-, is it o.k.
Sardar: U R great sir! Starting salary is o.k. ......but??
How much is DRIVING salary...?

*******

Sardar's theory: Moon is more impt than Sun, coz it gives light at night
when light is needed
& Sun gives light during the day when light is not needed!!!

*******

2 sardars are driving a Car, one puts on the indicator and asks the other to
check whether its working,
He puts his head out and says YES...NO...YES. ..NO...YES...NO...

- LoveNismi (Ansh Rav)                   Keep Comment

How Girls turn Guys down

HE: I'm a photographer I've been looking for a face like yours!
SHE: I'm a plastic surgeon. I've been looking for a face like
yours

HE: May I have the pleasure of this dance?
SHE: No, I'd like to have some pleasure too !

HE: How did you get to be so beautiful?
SHE: I must have been given your share !

HE: Will you come out with me this Saturday?
SHE: Sorry! I'm having a headache this weekend !

HE: Go on, don't be shy. Ask me out!
SHE: Okay, get out!

HE: I think I could make you very happy
SHE: Why? Are you leaving?

HE: What would you say if I asked u to marry me?
SHE: Nothing. I can't talk and laugh at the same time!

HE: Can I have your name?
SHE: Why, don't you already have one?

HE: Shall we go and see a film?
SHE: I've already seen it!

HE: Do you think it was fate that brought us together?
SHE: Nah, it was plain bad luck !

HE: Where have you been all my life?
SHE: Hiding from you.

HE: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
SHE: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.

HE: Is this seat empty?
SHE: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down .

HE: So, what do you do for a living?
SHE: I'm a female impersonator.

HE: Hey baby, what's your sign?
SHE: Do not enter.

- LoveNismi (Ansh Rav)                     Keep Comment

ENJOY... Jokes

If your boss says: Nothing is impossible, ask him to wear a condom after sex.

*.*.*.*

Fact of life: When a girl attains maturity, she wants to wear a bra...
When a boy attains maturity, he wants to remove that bra.....

*.*.*.*

Teacher: Jimmedari kya hoti hai?
Student: Madam agar apke blouse ke 4 button me se 3 tut jaye to 4th pe Jo
aati hai, usko jimmedari kehte hai.

*.*.*.*.*

Love is not measured by Hugging, Kissing & sex.
It's all about Trusting Respecting & Accepting a person
With open legs, closed eyes & wet lips saying push it more.

*.*.*.*.

Lady: What is a good time for Sex?
Doctor: In the afternoon between 2 to 4.
Lady: Why?
Dr: The compounder will not be here...

*.*.*.*.*

Mother found a condom in daughter's cupboard.
She went straight to her n asked: What is this?
Girl: To aap kya chahti hain, main is umar mein Maa ban jaaun?!

*.*.*.*.*

Sex is evil
Evil is sin
Sin is forgiven
So let's begin.

*.*.*.*

Boy: How much Calcium is there in women's BREAST?
Girl: Enough to help a Man's boneless thing stand up.

Keep Comment

The Most – Greatest – Deadliest

The Most Destructive Habit............................. Worry

The Greatest Joy..........................................Giving

The Greatest Loss.......................... Loss of Self-Respect

The Most Satisfying Work...........Helping Others

The Ugliest Personality Trait...................Selfishness

The Most Endangered Species............Dedicated Leaders

Our Greatest Natural Resource...................Our Youth

The Greatest "Shot in the Arm"...............Encouragement

The Greatest Problem to Overcome...................Fear

The Most Effective Sleeping Pill...........Peace of Mind

The Most Crippling Failure Disease................Excuses

The Most Powerful Force in Life...................Love

The Most Dangerous Pariah...................A Gossiper

The World's Most Incredible Computer............The Brain

The Worst Thing to Be Without.......................Hope

The Deadliest Weapon...........................The Tongue

The Two Most Power-Filled Words...................”I Can"

The Greatest Asset........................................Faith

The Most Worthless Emotion........................Self- Pity

The Most Beautiful Attire...........................Smile!

The Most Prized Possession...................Integrity

The Most Powerful Channel of Communication........Prayer

The Most Contagious Spirit......................Enthusiasm

- LoveNismi (Ansh Rav)                    Keep Comment

Friday, July 3, 2009

How's Break Friendship

Hello to all.....

Asbat

Sayz IT IS VERY TRUE.......................

HOW  FRIENDSHIPS  BREAK ?
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Both Friends Will Think The Other Is Busy
image image
And Will Not Contact image Thinking It May Be Disturbing..
As Time Passes
image
Both Will Think Let The Other Contact
image
After That each Will Think Why I Should Contact First ?
image image image
Here Your Love Will Be  Converted To Hate
image
Finally Without Contact The Memory Becomes Weak
image
They Forget Each Other.
image
So Keep In Touch With All And Pass This TO All Your Friends...
image . image
I Don`t Want To be One Of This Kind.
image
So Here I Am sending Mail To Every One
image
To Say  

Dear .
I Am Fine Here 

Please keep in touch with me 

Baapu Ne Bola Hai.......
'Agar koi tumhe Email na kare,  Good Morning/Good Evening na bole,
Call/SMS bhi na kare... to koi baat nahi, tum Email karte raho....
Good Morning/Good Evening bolate raho......

Call/SMS bhi karate raho.......
Dekhna, Uski aatma ek din jaroor jaagegi.
Aur vo tumhe E-Mail/Call/ SMS jaroor Karega/Karegi'

image

Aur agar fir bhi koi E-Mail/Call/ SMS nahi aaye,
to uske paas jana,  use ek Guldasta dena.... aur kahna.......
'GET WELL SOON MAAMU'

image
Ha Ha Ha Ha

image
.... Have a Nice Day...

.
With Best Regards,

dhrumil bhavsar

Saturday, June 6, 2009

यदि बिल गेट्स बॉलीवुड फिल्में बनाने लगें तो उनकी फिल्मों के नाम कैसे होंगे ?

जरा इन नामों पर गौर फरमाएं -

1. Hang To Hona Hi Tha !!!!!!!!!!!!
2. Meri Disc Tumhare Paas Hai
3. Aao Chat Kare
4. Programmer No.1
5. Mera Naam Developer
6. Java Wale Job Le Jayenge
7. Hum Apke Memory Mein Rehte Hein
8. Do Processor Baarah Terminal
9. Tera Code Chal Gaya
10. Har Din Jo Mail Karega
11. Network Ke Us Paar
12. Debugging Koi Khel Nahi
13. Jish Desh Mein Bill Gates Rehta Hai
14. Raju Ban Gaya MCSE .!
15. Client Ek Numbari Programmer Dus Numbari
16. Login Karo Sajana
17. Naukar PC Ka
18. 1942 -- A Bug Story
19. Kaho Na Virus Hai
20. Crash Se Crash Tak
21. Haan Maine Bhi Debug Kiya Hai
22. Password De Ke Dekh

- LoveNismi (Ansh Rav)

Friday, June 5, 2009

PATNI CHALISA (LOL HA HA)

PATNI CHALISA (LOL HA HA)

Namo-namo patni maharani,
tumhari mahima koi na jani... || 1 ||

Hamne samjha tum abla ho,
par tumto sabse badi bala ho... || 2 ||

Jis din haath me belana aawe,
Uss din PATI khub chillave.... || 3 ||

Saare bed pe PATNI sove,
PATI baith farsh par rove.... || 4 ||

Tumse hi ghar MATHURA KASI,
aur tumse hi ghar Satyanasi... . || 5 ||

PATNI CHALISA jo nar gave,
sab sukh chhod param dukh paave..... || 6 ||

- - LoveNismi (Ansh Rav)

Friday, May 29, 2009

ફાલતુ’ સવાલોના ‘ફાલતુ’ જવાબો


મંદિરના પગથીયા ઉતરતા હોઈએ ત્યારે કોઈક સામે મળે ને પૂછે: “કેમ? દર્શન કરી આવ્યા?”
“ના. મંદિરમાં અંદર લાઈન મારવા ગયો હતો!”
***
સવારે તૈયાર થઈ બ્રીફકેસ લઈ ઘરેથી બહાર નીકળીએ, પડોસી પૂછેઃ “શું નોકરી પર જાવ છો?”
“ના. બગીચામાં આંટો મારવા નીકળ્યો છુ!”
***
દીકરીના લગન પછી…“શું દીકરી ને વરાવી?”
“ના., આ તો હવાફેર કરવા એના સાસરે ગઈ છે!”
***
” શું દીકરાને પરણાવી આવ્યા?”
” ના., ના, આ તો બાજુના ગામમાંથી સાતફેરા ફેરવીને, મંગલસુત્ર પહેરાવીને, વીંટી પહેરાવીને અને છેડા બાંધીને ઓળખીતાની દીકરીને ઘરે લઈ આવ્યા!”
***
કાકાને વરંડામાં ચા પીતાં જોઈ ને…” શું કાકા ચા પીવો છો?”
” ના., રકાબી ચાટું છું!”

- LoveNismi (Ansh Rav)

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

हमें तो अपनों ने लूटा

अरे हमें तो अपनों ने लूटा,
गैरों में कहाँ दम था.
मेरी हड्डी वहाँ टूटी,
जहाँ हॉस्पिटल बन्द था.
मुझे जिस एम्बुलेन्स में डाला,
उसका पेट्रोल ख़त्म था.
मुझे रिक्शे में इसलिए बैठाया,
क्योंकि उसका किराया कम था.
मुझे डॉक्टरों ने उठाया,
नर्सों में कहाँ दम था.
मुझे जिस बेड पर लेटाया,
उसके नीचे बम था.
मुझे तो बम से उड़ाया,
गोली में कहाँ दम था.
और मुझे सड़क में दफनाया,
क्योंकि कब्रिस्तान में फंक्शन था

- LoveNismi (Ansh Rav)