Kalyug ka Maths

1.) SSC + HSC + BMS + MBA = UNEMPLYOMENT.

2.) An Idea + An Idiot = A Dot com.

3.) Sushmita Sen - 1.2 feet = Salman Khan.

4.) 4 weeks in Switzerland + London + New Zealand + Canada = 4 minute song in Hindi movies.

5.) Rona dhona x Bewafai x Badle ki aag = Your mum's favourite serials.

6.) Amitabh Bachchan + Jaya Bachchan = Abhishek Bachchan -Talent.

7.) 1 smile + 32 teeth = Govinda

8.) 1 person - shirt = Salman Khan

9.) 1 person + straight hair + unstraight walk = Sanjay dutt

10.) 1 hand + 10 kg weight = Sunny Deol

11.) One man + one woman = Isha Deol

12.) Time waste - time = Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi

13.) Boring songs + heavy dialogues + Bogus dressing = Devdas

14.) New heroes + New heroins = a flop movie

15.) Old heroes + new heroins = a blunder

16.) Old heroes + old heroins = timepass

17.) action - suspense + comedy - thrill - story - clothes = Indiansuperhit movie

18.) Do aur do paanch = Indian algebra

19.) 1 Lady - 1/2 Clothes = Mallika Sherawat

20.) 1 Lady + 1 Buffalo = Yana Gupta,

- LoveNismi (Ansh Rav)

ABCD of friendship...

A: accepts you as you are..

B: believes in you

C: calls you just to say "hi"

D: Does not give up on you...

E: Envisions the whole of you..

F: Forgives your mistakes..

G: Gives uncondionally

H: helps you

I: invites you over

J: just likes to be with you..

K: keeps you close at heart

L: loves for who you are

M: makes a difference in ur life

N: Never judges you..

O: offers support

P: picks up when you are down

Q: quiets ur tears

R: respects you

S: says nice things abt u

T: tells you the truth when u need to hear it

U: understands you

V: values you

W: walks besides you

X: xplains things u don't understand

Y: yells you that how important is you in life

Z: Zaps you when u are e

- LoveNismi (Ansh Rav)

Special Friend of Mine

Dear: want to make u as a special friend of mine i 'am leaving it to you to decide what u want to be with me which a are as fallows:-

AF - A friend
BF - Boy friend
CF - Close friend
DF - Dear friend
EF - Ever friend
FF - Familiar friend
GF - girl friend
HF - Helping friend
IF - Innocent friend
JF - Jovial friend
KF - Kind friend
LF - Lovely friend
MF - Merry friend
NF - Naughty friend
OF - Only friend
PF - Personal friend
QF - Quiet friend
RF - Rare friend
SF - Special friend
TF - Thick friend
UV - Understanding friend
VF - Valuable friend
WF - Wonderful friend
XF - Xcellent friend
YF - Youth friend
ZF - Zeal friend

Which One Uuuuuuu Select for our Friendship reply is must...plz. I'm ready to accept ur what so response is i'ld be eage.

Umar ka Khel

Umar 2 Saal.. Nurse Ko ankh mAre..

Umar 3 saal... Bhai ke Cigrate mein Charas dali...

Umar 4 Saal... mandir se Pandit maharaj ke chapal lay key bhaga...

Umer 5 saal... Padosiyoon ki bell Baja ke bhaga...

Umar 6 saal... school ke teacher ko luv letter likha..

Umar 7 saal... pehli baar ghar se bina paise leke bhaga...

Umar 8 Saal... Papa ki Poket se wallet gayab....

Umer 9 saal... aise waise ki cd's Ka dhaanda...

Umar 10 saal... Papa Ki car Road pe..

Umar 11 saal... his 1st candle lite date wit a gal whose 7yr elder then him..

Umar 12 saal... raat Ko subaH, subaH Ko raat....

Umar 13 saal... Hostel mein admmison...

Umar 14 saal... HeadMaster ki baitee ko ley ke Faraar...

Umar 15 saal... Sutte kI duniya Ka baenam baadshah...

Umar 16 saal... pehli baar pakhda gayaa...

Umar 17 Saal... DAaroo kuppi Ki dunya mein naya naam...

Umar 18 saal... Apne college ke principle ko Chaamat mara..

AB maLOOm padha ke Yeh Ladka kaisa Hai...!!!

- LoveNismi (Ansh Rav)

Hindi Jokes

संता* (बंता से)- मुझे रात भर नींद नहीं आई।
*बंता* (संता से)- क्यों नहीं आई?
*संता*- क्योंकि कल रात भर नींद में मैं यही सपना देखता रहा कि मैं जाग रहा  हूं।
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जब टाइटेनिक डूब रहा था और सब भाग रहे थे, तब संता ने एक अमेरिकन से पूछा- यहां से जमीन कितनी दूर है?
*अमेरिकन* (संता से)- करीब दो मील दूर।
*संता *(अमेरिकन से)- अरे वाह! मैं तो बहुत अच्छा तैराक हूं। और वह कूद गया।
*संता *(कूदने के बाद)- जमीन किस ओर है?
*अमेरिकन*- नीचे की ओर।
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बंता आधी रात को शराब के नशे में जा रहा था। उसका एक पैर फुटपाथ पर पड़ता और दूसरा सड़क पर। पीछे से थानेदार संता ने उसे एक डंडा जमाते हुए पूछा-  क्यों रे,  कितनी पी रखी है तूने?
बंता ने संभलते हुए कहा- याद दिलाने के लिए शुक्रिया कि मैंने पी रखी है। एक घंटे से तो मैं यही सोचकर परेशान था कि मैं अचानक लंगड़ा कैसे हो गया।
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*राम* (अध्यापक से) - 'मेरा पर्चा इतना खराब तो नहीं हुआ था कि आप मुझे जीरो देते।'
*अध्यापक* (राम से) - 'यह तो मैं भी समझता हूं कि तुम्हें जीरो नहीं दिया जाना चाहिए था, पर मैं इससे कम जानता ही नहीं हूं।'
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एक गंजा मेहमान मेजबान के बच्चे से कहता है, 'बेटा तुम मुझे देखकर हंस क्यों रहे हो?'
*बच्चा- *'अंकल बात यह है कि मम्मी ने मुझे आपके कमरे में शीशा-कंघा रखने के लिए कहा है।'
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*पापा *(सोनू से)- शर्माजी की लड़की को देख, क्लास में फ‌र्स्ट आई है, और तुमने मेरी इज्जत मिट्टी में मिला दी।
*सोनू *(पापा से)- पापा, उसे ही तो देखता था, इसलिए फेल हो गया।
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*रीना *(राकेश से)- मैंने सुना है कि एक आदमी ने महज एक साइकिल के लिए अपनी पत्नी को मायके भेज दिया। तुम तो ऐसे नहीं हो न?
*राकेश *(रीना से)- नहीं डार्लिग, हरगिज नहीं। मैं इतना गिरा हुआ नहीं हूं। मैं तो कार से कम पर मानूंगा ही नहीं।
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*रीना* (राकेश से)- मैं मायके जा रही हूं, तुम्हें तलाक की नोटिस भेज दूंगी। *राकेश* (रीना से)- जाओ, जाओ मैं सब समझता हूं मीठी-मीठी बातें करके मुझे खुश करने की कोशिश मत करो।
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*पति *(पत्नी से)- अगर तुम्हें खाना बनाना आता तो मैं आया की छुट्टी कर देता।
*पत्नी *(पति से)- अगर तुम्हें प्यार करना आता तो मैं ड्राइवर की छुट्टी कर देती।
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*पत्नी* (पति से)- क्लब में आज एक दिलचस्प पार्टी है, जिसमें सदस्यों से कहा गया है कि घर से एक फालतू चीज लेकर आएं।
*पति* (पत्नी से)- तो तुम क्या ले जा रही हो?
*पत्‍‌नी *(पति से)- मुझे तो कुछ समझ में नहीं आ रहा है, लेकिन आप चल रहे हैं न!
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*संता *(अपनी बीवी को फोन करके कहता है): आज मैं घर नहीं आऊंगा।
*बीवी: *पर क्यों?
*संता: *क्योंकि मेरी गाड़ी का ब्रेक, एक्सेलरेटर, क्लच, गियर सब कुछ कोई चुरा ले गया है।
बीवी: अच्छा। संता का फिर थोड़ी देर बाद फोन आया और बोला: मैं घर आ रहा हूं।
*बीवी: *पर कैसे?
*संता: *अरी, मैं पीछे की सीट पर बैठ गया था।
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संता अपने मैरिज सर्टिफिकेट को एक घंटे से देखे जा रहा था।
*बंता *(संता से)- यार संता, तुम इतनी देर से अपनी मैरिज सर्टिफिकेट में क्या देख रहे हो?
*संता *(बंता से)- एक्सपाइरी डेट ढूंढ रहा हूं।
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*संता *(बंता से)- तुम सोकर कितने बजे उठते हो?
*बंता *(संता से)- जब सूरज की किरणें खिड़कियों से होकर मेरे कमरे में आने लगती हैं।
*संता *(बंता से)- वाह, तुम तो एकदम सुबह उठ जाते हो।
*बंता *(संता से)- नहीं, दरअसल मेरी खिड़कियां पश्चिम की तरफ खुलती हैं।
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एक बार संता सिंह को 20 लाख की लॉटरी खुली। संता सिंह पैसे लेने लॉटरी वाले के पास गए।
नंबर मिलाने के बाद लॉटरी वाले ने कहा कि ठीक है सर हम आपको अभी 1 लाख रुपए देंगे और बाकी के 19 लाख आप अगले 19 हफ्तों तक ले सकते हैं।
संता सिंह बोले नहीं मुझे अपने पूरे पैसे अभी ही चाहिए नहीं तो आप मेरे 5 रुपए वापस कर दीजिए।
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संता और बंता को तीन बम मिले।
दोनों पुलिस थाने में देने गए।
*बंता* (संता से)- अगर इसमें से एक बम फट गया तो..
*संता* (बंता से)- हम कह देंगे कि हमें केवल दो ही बम मिले थे।
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*बंता* (संता से)- ऐसा लगता है कि वो लड़की ऊंचा सुनती है। मैं कुछ कहता हूं वो कुछ और ही बोलती है।
*संता *(बंता से)- वो कैसे?
*बंता*- मैने कहा आई लव यू, तो वह बोली मैंने कल ही नए सैंडल खरीदे हैं।
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*सोनू *(मोनू से)- तुम्हारी छतरी में तो छेद है।
*मोनू *(सोनू से)- हां पता है और इसे मैंने ही किया है।
*सोनू*- लेकिन क्यों?
*मोनू*- अरे यार जब बारिश बंद होती है तो पता चल जाता है।
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*मास्टर जी *(रोहन से)- तुम्हारी जेब में तीन पाई हैं। अगर इसमें एक पाई और डाल दें तो क्या होगा?
*रोहन *(मास्टर जी से)- मेरी जेब फट जाएगी।
*मास्टर जी*- वह कैसे?
*रोहन *- आप खुद बताइए मेरी इतनी छोटी जेब में चारपाई कैसे आएगी!
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*सुरेश *(चिंटू से)- चिंटू, तुमने अभी तक दुनिया का नक्शा क्यों नहीं खरीदा?
*चिंटृू *(सुरेश से)- पिताजी कहते हैं कि दुनिया तेजी से बदल रही है। मैंने सोचा, जब स्थिर हो जाएगी तब खरीदूंगा।
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*पिता *(पुत्र से)- बेवकूफ यह क्या कर रहा है? हाथों के बल क्यों चल रहा है?
*पुत्र *(पिता से)- आपकी इच्छा का पालन कर रहा हूं डैडी। आपने कहा था न, अगर तू फेल हो गया, तो घर में कदम नहीं रखने दूंगा।
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*पिता *(पुत्र से)- बेटा स्कूल में यह इनाम क्यों मिला है?
*पुत्र *(पिता से)- वाद विवाद में एक घंटा बोलने पर।
*पिता*- अच्छा वाद विवाद का विषय क्या था?
*पुत्र*- कम बोलने से होने वाले फायदे।
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*सोनू* (मां से)- मां, आज मेरा दोस्त मेरे घर आ रहा है घर के सभी खिलौने छुपा दे।
*मां* (सोनू से)- तुम्हारा दोस्त चोर है क्या?
*सोनू*- नहीं वह अपने खिलौने पहचान लेगा।
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सोनू को मैथ्स के पेपर में जीरो मिला।
*मां *(सोनू से)- सोनू ! तुम्हें मैथ्स में जीरो क्यों मिला?
*सोनू *(मां से)- मां टीचर के पास स्टार खत्म हो गए थे तो उन्होंने प्लेनेट देना शुरू कर दिया।
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*पति* (पत्नी से)- क्यों न आज की चाय बाहर चलकर पी जाए।
*पत्नी* (पति से)- क्यों तुम्हें क्या लगता है कि मैं चाय बनाते-बनाते थक गई हूं।
*पति*- अरे नहीं, दरअसल मैं ही कप प्लेट धोते-धोते तंग आ गया हूं।
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*प्रिया* (पति से)- मैंने सुना है कि इस मौसम की चांदनी रातों में समझदार लोग भी पागल हो जाते हैं?
पति ने लंबी सांस लेते हुए जवाब दिया, हां, ऐसे ही मौसम की एक चादंनी रात में मैंने तुम्हें शादी के लिए प्रपोज किया था।
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*पत्नी* (पति से) - आज तक तुमने अपनी जिंदगी में किया ही क्या है?
*पति *(पत्नी से)- मैंने अपना जीवन खुद बनाया है।
*पत्नी*- लो, और मैं हूं कि अब तक ईश्वर को दोष दे रही थी।
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*पत्नी* (पति से)- सुनो जी, अगर इसी रफ्तार से तुम्हारे सिर के बाल झड़ते रहे तो एक दिन मैं तुम्हें तलाक दे दूंगी। मुझे गंजे लोग बिलकुल पसंद नहीं है।
*पति* (पत्नी से)- ऐं मैं भी कितना बेवकूफ हूं, जो कुछ अच्छा मांगने के बजाए भगवान से हमेशा कहता रहा कि मेरे बाल सही सलामत रहे।
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*शीना* (रमेश से)- जानते हो मैंने 16 सोमवार व्रत रखा, सालों मंदिरों में मन्नत मांगी, सैंकड़ों गरीबों को दान दिया, तब जाकर कहीं तुम्हें पाया है।
*रमेश* (शीना से)- अच्छा! अगर यह सब न करती तो क्या होता?
*शीना-* तो क्या, तुमसे भी गया गुजरा कोई पल्ले पड़ जाता।
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*पति *(पत्नी से)- मैंने आज रात को एक दोस्त को खाने पर बुलाया है।
*पत्नी* (गुस्से में)- तुम्हें हो क्या गया है, घर कैसे फैला हुआ है, मैं
शॅपिंग के लिए भी नहीं गई, बर्तन भी गंदे पड़े हैं और खाना भी आज अच्छा नहीं बनने वाला।
*पति *- मुझे पता है।
*पत्नी* - फिर तुमने अपने दोस्त को क्यों बुलाया?
*पति* - क्योंकि वह बेवकूफ शादी करना चाहता है।
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मालिक ने अपने सेक्रेटरी से डांटकर पूछा- मिस रीता, तुम ऑफिस में देर से क्यों आई?
*रीता *- जी, एक नौजवान मेरा पीछा कर रहा था।
*मालिक *(गुस्से में)- यह भी कोई वजह है?
*रीता *- हां बॉस..वह बहुत धीरे-धीरे चल रहा था।
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एक किशोर शराब पीकर नशे की हालत में सड़क पर खड़ा था।
*हवलदार* (किशोर से)- यहां क्यों खड़े हो?
*किशोर* - इस समय सारा शहर मेरी आंखों के सामने घूम रहा है, अपना घर आते ही घुस जाऊंगा।
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एक बार दो मनचले युवक एक समारोह में खाना खाना चले गए। समारोह के घर वालों ने एक युवक से पूछा- जी हमने आपको पहचाना नहीं, आप कैसे आए है?
युवक ने कहा- मैं लड़के वाले की तरफ से हूं। दूसरे युवक से पूछा तो उसने कहा- जी मैं लड़की वालों की तरफ से हूं।
घर वालों ने कहा- खाना बेशक खाओ, लेकिन यहां कोई शादी नहीं हो रही है, हमारे पिता जी की तेरहवीं है आज।

- LoveNismi (Ansh Rav)                      Keep Comment

Jokes

Prince Charles & Sardarji were having dinner.
Prince said, "Pass the wine you divine".
Sardar thinks "how poetic"
Sardar says, "pass the custard you bastard".

*******

Sardar at bar in New York.
Man on his right says "Johny Walker single"
Man on his left says "Peter Scotch single"
Sardar says - "Baljith Singh Married"

*******
Boss: I am giving u job as a driver. STARTING salary Rs.2000/-, is it o.k.
Sardar: U R great sir! Starting salary is o.k. ......but??
How much is DRIVING salary...?

*******

Sardar's theory: Moon is more impt than Sun, coz it gives light at night
when light is needed
& Sun gives light during the day when light is not needed!!!

*******

2 sardars are driving a Car, one puts on the indicator and asks the other to
check whether its working,
He puts his head out and says YES...NO...YES. ..NO...YES...NO...

- LoveNismi (Ansh Rav)                   Keep Comment

How Girls turn Guys down

HE: I'm a photographer I've been looking for a face like yours!
SHE: I'm a plastic surgeon. I've been looking for a face like
yours

HE: May I have the pleasure of this dance?
SHE: No, I'd like to have some pleasure too !

HE: How did you get to be so beautiful?
SHE: I must have been given your share !

HE: Will you come out with me this Saturday?
SHE: Sorry! I'm having a headache this weekend !

HE: Go on, don't be shy. Ask me out!
SHE: Okay, get out!

HE: I think I could make you very happy
SHE: Why? Are you leaving?

HE: What would you say if I asked u to marry me?
SHE: Nothing. I can't talk and laugh at the same time!

HE: Can I have your name?
SHE: Why, don't you already have one?

HE: Shall we go and see a film?
SHE: I've already seen it!

HE: Do you think it was fate that brought us together?
SHE: Nah, it was plain bad luck !

HE: Where have you been all my life?
SHE: Hiding from you.

HE: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
SHE: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.

HE: Is this seat empty?
SHE: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down .

HE: So, what do you do for a living?
SHE: I'm a female impersonator.

HE: Hey baby, what's your sign?
SHE: Do not enter.

- LoveNismi (Ansh Rav)                     Keep Comment

ENJOY... Jokes

If your boss says: Nothing is impossible, ask him to wear a condom after sex.

*.*.*.*

Fact of life: When a girl attains maturity, she wants to wear a bra...
When a boy attains maturity, he wants to remove that bra.....

*.*.*.*

Teacher: Jimmedari kya hoti hai?
Student: Madam agar apke blouse ke 4 button me se 3 tut jaye to 4th pe Jo
aati hai, usko jimmedari kehte hai.

*.*.*.*.*

Love is not measured by Hugging, Kissing & sex.
It's all about Trusting Respecting & Accepting a person
With open legs, closed eyes & wet lips saying push it more.

*.*.*.*.

Lady: What is a good time for Sex?
Doctor: In the afternoon between 2 to 4.
Lady: Why?
Dr: The compounder will not be here...

*.*.*.*.*

Mother found a condom in daughter's cupboard.
She went straight to her n asked: What is this?
Girl: To aap kya chahti hain, main is umar mein Maa ban jaaun?!

*.*.*.*.*

Sex is evil
Evil is sin
Sin is forgiven
So let's begin.

*.*.*.*

Boy: How much Calcium is there in women's BREAST?
Girl: Enough to help a Man's boneless thing stand up.

Keep Comment

The Most – Greatest – Deadliest

The Most Destructive Habit............................. Worry

The Greatest Joy..........................................Giving

The Greatest Loss.......................... Loss of Self-Respect

The Most Satisfying Work...........Helping Others

The Ugliest Personality Trait...................Selfishness

The Most Endangered Species............Dedicated Leaders

Our Greatest Natural Resource...................Our Youth

The Greatest "Shot in the Arm"...............Encouragement

The Greatest Problem to Overcome...................Fear

The Most Effective Sleeping Pill...........Peace of Mind

The Most Crippling Failure Disease................Excuses

The Most Powerful Force in Life...................Love

The Most Dangerous Pariah...................A Gossiper

The World's Most Incredible Computer............The Brain

The Worst Thing to Be Without.......................Hope

The Deadliest Weapon...........................The Tongue

The Two Most Power-Filled Words...................”I Can"

The Greatest Asset........................................Faith

The Most Worthless Emotion........................Self- Pity

The Most Beautiful Attire...........................Smile!

The Most Prized Possession...................Integrity

The Most Powerful Channel of Communication........Prayer

The Most Contagious Spirit......................Enthusiasm

- LoveNismi (Ansh Rav)                    Keep Comment

ફાલતુ’ સવાલોના ‘ફાલતુ’ જવાબો

મંદિરના પગથીયા ઉતરતા હોઈએ ત્યારે કોઈક સામે મળે ને પૂછે: “કેમ? દર્શન કરી આવ્યા?”
“ના. મંદિરમાં અંદર લાઈન મારવા ગયો હતો!”
***
સવારે તૈયાર થઈ બ્રીફકેસ લઈ ઘરેથી બહાર નીકળીએ, પડોસી પૂછેઃ “શું નોકરી પર જાવ છો?”
“ના. બગીચામાં આંટો મારવા નીકળ્યો છુ!”
***
દીકરીના લગન પછી…“શું દીકરી ને વરાવી?”
“ના., આ તો હવાફેર કરવા એના સાસરે ગઈ છે!”
***
” શું દીકરાને પરણાવી આવ્યા?”
” ના., ના, આ તો બાજુના ગામમાંથી સાતફેરા ફેરવીને, મંગલસુત્ર પહેરાવીને, વીંટી પહેરાવીને અને છેડા બાંધીને ઓળખીતાની દીકરીને ઘરે લઈ આવ્યા!”
***
કાકાને વરંડામાં ચા પીતાં જોઈ ને…” શું કાકા ચા પીવો છો?”
” ના., રકાબી ચાટું છું!”

- LoveNismi (Ansh Rav)

LIFE WITHOUT GIRLS

LIFE WITHOUT GIRLS:

The result

Markets silent

Streets empty

The police at rest

All mobile companies in loss

No SMS

No Flowers

No Valentine

No Candles

No Perfumes

All the men directed to Heaven.

Easy – Difficult Comparison Chart

- LoveNismi (Ansh Rav)

May I know the time please?

Young Man: Sir, may I know the time, please?

Old Man: Certainly not.

Young Man: Sir, but why? What are you going to loose,if you tell me the time?

Old Man: Yes, I may loose something if I tell you the time.

Young Man: But Sir, can you tell me how?

Old Man : See, if I tell you the time you will definitely thank me and may be tomorrow again you will ask me the time.

Young Man: Quite possible.

Old Man: May be we meet two three times more and you will ask my name and address.

Young Man: Quite possible.

Old Man: One day you may come to my house saying you were just passing by and came into wish me. Then as a courtsey, I will offer you a cup of tea. After my courteous approach you will try to come again. This time you will appreciate tea and ask who has made it.?

Young Man: Possible.

Old Man: made it Then I will tell you that my daughter has and I will then have to introduce my young and pretty daughter to you &; you will admire my daughter.

Young Man: Smiles. ;)

Old Man: Now onwards you will try to meet my daughter  again and again. You will offer her to go out for a movie together and a date with you.

Young Man: Smiles

Old Man: My daughter may start liking you and start waiting for you. After meeting regularly you will fall in love with her and propose her for marriage.

Young Man: Smiles

Old Man: One day both of you will come to me and tell me about your love and ask for my permission.

Young Man: Oh Yes! And smiles

Old Man: (Angrily) Young man, I will never marry my daughter to a person like you who does not even own a watch.

- Lovenismi (Ansh Rav)

Love Marriage VS Arranged Marriage - The IT Perspective

Love Marriage: Resembles procedural programming language. We have some set functions like flirting, going to movies together, making long conversations on phone and then try to fit all functions to the candidate we like.

Arranged Marriage: Similar to object oriented programming approach. We first fix the candidate and then try to implement functions on her. The main object is fixed and various functions are added to supplement the main program. The functions can be added or deleted.

Love Marriage: It is a throwaway type of prototype as client requirements rises with time thus it is a dynamic system and difficult to maintain.

Arranged Marriage: Requirements are well defined so use of waterfall model is possible.

Love Marriage: Family system hangs because hardware called parents are not responding.

Arranged Marriage: Compatible with hardware Parents.

Love Marriage: You are the project leader so u are responsible for implementation and execution of PROJECT- married life.

Arranged Marriage: You are a team member under project leader parents so they are responsible for successful execution of project Married life.

Love Marriage: Client expectations include exciting feature as spouse cooking food, washing clothes etc.

Arranged Marriage: All these features are covered in the SRS as required features.

Love Marriage: Acceptance test possible you can try before you Buy.

Arranged Marriage: Product is sold on an as is where is basis, Product once sold will not be taken back!

- LoveNismi (Ansh Rav)

20 Golden Rules for any Office

Rule 1
The Boss is always right.

Rule 2
If the Boss is wrong, see rule 1.

Rule 3
Those who work get more work.
Others get pay, perks, and promotions.

Rule 4
Ph.D. stands for "Pull Him Down".
The more intelligent a person,
the more hardworking a person,
the more committed a person;
the more number of persons are engaged in pulling that person down.

Rule 5
If you are good, you will get all the work.
If you are really good, you will get out of it.

Rule 6
When the Bosses talk about improving productivity,
they are never talking about themselves.

Rule 7
It doesn't matter what you do,
it only matters what you say you've done and what you are going to do.

Rule 8
A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the butt.

Rule 9
Don't be irreplaceable.
If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

Rule 10
The more crap you put up with,
the more crap you are going to get.

Rule 11
If at first you don't succeed, try again.
Then quit.
No use being a damn fool about it.

Rule 12
When you don't know what to do,
walk fast and look worried.

Rule 13
Following the rules will not get the job done.

Rule 14
If it weren't for the last minute,
nothing would get done.

Rule 15
Everything can be filed under
"Miscellaneous".

Rule 16
No matter how much you do,
you never do enough.

Rule 17
You can do any amount of work
provided it isn't the work you are supposed to be doing.

Rule 18
In order to get a promotion,
you need not necessarily know your job.

Rule 19
In order to get a promotion,
you only need to pretend that you know your job.

Rule 20
The last person that quit or was fired
will be held responsible for everything that goes wrong.

- LoveNismi (Ansh Rav)

I AM NOT YOUR FRIEND IF

I AM NOT YOUR FRIEND IF.....

You have to think before you speak to me!

I AM NOT YOUR FRIEND IF.....

my presence ever makes you feel uncomfortable!

I AM NOT YOUR FRIEND IF.....

you have to thank me for everything i do for you!

I AM NOT YOUR FRIEND IF.....

you have to say sorry for everything

that you don't do!

I AM NOT YOUR FRIEND IF.....

you have to ask me for favors!

I AM NOT YOUR FRIEND IF.....

you think i would not be curious to

know your new philosophy of life!

I AM NOT YOUR FRIEND IF.....

you go by what i say and do not understand

what i don't say!

I AM NOT YOUR FRIEND IF.....

you think that listening to your dreams

would put me to sleep!

I AM NOT YOUR FRIEND IF.....

you think that seeing you in pain, would

not bring a tear to me!

I AM NOT YOUR FRIEND IF.....

you think I do not remember the first time

we met!

I AM NOT YOUR FRIEND IF.....

you don't see the thousand ways I try to

make you happy!

I AM NOT YOUR FRIEND IF.....

you don't realize how your smile brightens

up my day!

I AM NOT YOUR FRIEND IF.....

you would rather keep quiet when you really

wanna talk!

I AM NOT YOUR FRIEND IF.....

you hesitate to ask me to stay back when

you think we should be together!

I AM NOT YOUR FRIEND IF.....

you take too much time to tell me what i

mean to you!

Am I Your FRIEND ????

- LoveNismi (Ansh Rav)

jokes more

Teacher :What happened in 1869?

Student:Gandhi ji was born.

Teacher :What happened in 1873?

Student:Gandhiji was four years old.!

------------------------------------------------------- 

Question:What is the fullform of MATHS. ?

Anwser: Mentaly Affected Teachers Harrasing Students

-------------------------------------------------------Teacher :Because of Gandhiji's hard work what do we get on 15th August.

Student:A holiday

-------------------------------------------------------Teacher :Tomorrow there will be a lecture on Sun.Everyone must attend it.

Raju:No ma'm! I will not be able to attend it.

Teacher :Why?

Raju:My mother will not allow me to go so far!!!

------------------------------------------------------- 

Teacher: How old is ur father.
Sunny:As old as I am.
Teacher:How is it possible?
Sunny:He became father only after I was born.

------------------------------------------------------- 

Teacher: (1)There is a frog, (2)Ship is sinking, (3)potatoes cost Rs 3/kg.
Then, what is my age?
STUDENT:32 yrs.
Teacher:How do you know?
STUDENT:Well,my sister is 16 yrs old and she is half mad.

------------------------------------------------------- 

Teacher: Where does God live?
Little boy: I think he lives in our bathroom.
Teacher: Why do you say that?
Little boy: Well, every morning my daddy bangs on the door and says, 'God, are you still in there?'
------------------------------------------------------- 
Teacher:"What is your name?".
Student:"Mera naam Suraj Prakash hai."
Teacher:"When I ask aquestion in english,answer it in english."
Student:"My name is Sunlight.

- LoveNIsmi (Ansh Rav)

44 NETWORK MARKETING DOs and DON'Ts

1) Start with written goals and plans!

2) Don't wait for everything to be exactly right to start. IT NEVER WILL! Start now, with whatever you have. The things you need will come to you as you work towards your goal.

3) Realize that "rejection" is natural. For every 20 people you contact, expect 19 "no's" for every "yes." You may very well do better than that, but expect 19 rejections. This way, the rejections won't bother you because you expect them. Also, realize that they're not rejecting YOU - they're simply rejecting an idea. Just keep moving ahead. Be persistent, ignore the rejections, and you'll get more than enough "yes's" to build a highly successful business. Always remember: Some will. Some won't. So what? Someone's waiting. Next!

4) Treat your network marketing business as a serious, full-time business, and it will become one.

5) Follow-ups are just as important as the initial contact. If a person hasn't joined yet, following up with more exciting information can turn the tide. Many people report that they get their best people after following up 3-5 times.

6) Be patient. You'll work the hardest your first six months and get compensated the least. Big incomes never happen overnight in network marketing. They only come after you've properly shown your personally-sponsored d people how to duplicate your efforts. Network Marketing is a numbers game.

7) Don't give your Distributors unrealistic expectations.

8) Be willing to invest more money into your business than you get out of it in the beginning.

9) Don't quit. The only way to fail is if you give up.

10) Contact your up line and get their help and suggestions on how to grow your business. They will expect you to listen and then TAKE ACTION based exactly upon the advice they give.

- LoveNismi (Ansh Rav)

when u Love.someone

When you love someone so deep inside,
It seems like it's so easy to hide.
You've loved her for so very long,
You would think she could do no wrong.

Every day you would hope and pray,
That she would always stay this way.
She treated you like you should be treated,
You thought your life was finally completed.

You thought your love was growing true,
And then one day it was all so blue.
She started putting you down and it hurt,
You thought all you were to her was dirt.

She started ignoring you and you wondered why,
All you wanted to do was curl up and die.
You thought your relationship would never end,
But that was all so fake and pretend.
One day She was so sweet to you,
You thought all those things were maybe untrue,
Two days later she was back the same,
You thought you were the one to blame.
She thought the relationship was getting too serious
And that you had become a little too curious.
By this time you knew it wouldn't last,
All the nice things She said were in the past.

You thought that you would marry her some day,
But this time God wanted to get her way.
You wanted things back how they were before,
But you knew this couldn't happen anymore.
It was a Wednesday morning about 3 o'clock,

You heard the news and it wasn't a shock.
You knew this was going to happen soon,
As you laid there and cried in the pale lit moon.

- LoveNismi (Ansh Rav)

Maa Baap Ka Saaya

Wah haanth jo ponchhte then aansun mere
Mit jaate then gham,jinke duwaon ke asar se
Dhundhte hain o kaandhe,roti thin aankh jin par
MAA-BAAP ka saaya jab uth jata hai sar se

Ungli pakad kar chalna,hajaar khwahishen karna
Gujarti thi unki zindagi,hamare hi dagar se
Yaad aati hai o baaten,dil rota hai AAH aksar
MAA-BAAP ka saaya jab uth jata hai sar se

Wah ruthna hamara,Wah aansunwen bahana
Puri hoti thi khwahishe,humare is asar se
Baagh aate hain yaad,chubhte hain kaante aksar
MAA-BAAP ka saaya jab uth jata hai sar se

Dil todna na unka na taklif kabhi dena
Nikaalna hai tumhen hi unhen ashkon ke sahar se
Yatimo ko deho unhen ja kar samjho,kya hota hai tab
MAA-BAAP ka saaya jab uth jata hai sar se

Wah dhundhli si aankhen Wag maasum sa chehra
Yatimo ko dekho ge jab tum unki najar se
Samajh jaoge AAH tum bhi, kya hota hai tab
MAA-BAAP ka saaya jab uth jata hai sar se

EHSAS-E-ILTEJA hai , ek baat meri maano
Apna aasiyana banana,unki muhabbaton ki asar se
Bahut taklif hoti hai ,hota hai KAASH hontho pe aksar
MAA-BAAP ka saaya jab uth jata hai sar se

LoveNismi (Ansh Rav)