Men are like

Now days, 80% of women are against marriage, WHY? Because women realize

it's not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage.

1. Men are like. .... Laxatives. ..... They irritate the crap out of you.

2. Men are like. Bananas....... The older they get, the less firm they are.

3. Men are like...... Weather. Nothing can be done to change them.

4. Men are like. Blenders You need One, but you're not quite sure why.

5. Men are like..... Chocolate Bars.... Sweet, smooth, & they usually head right for your hips.

6. Men are like.... Commercials ....... You can't believe a word they say.

7. Men are like Department Stores..... Their clothes are always 1/2 off.

8. Men are like..... . Government Bonds .... They take soooooooo long to mature.

9. Men are like..... Mascara. They usually run at the first sign of emotion.

10. Men are like ... Popcorn..... They satisfy you, but only for a little while.

11. Men are like Snowstorms.... You never know when they're coming, how many inches you'll get or how long it will last.

12. Men are like........... Lava Lamps.... Fun to look at, but not very bright.

13.Men are like Parking Spots.......... All the good ones are taken, the rest are handicapped.

- LoveNismi( Ansh Rav )

Overconfidence!!!

Overconfidence!!!

It was the end of the school year, and a kindergarten teacher was receiving gifts from her pupils.

The florist's son handed her a gift. She shook it, held it overhead, and said, "I bet I know what it is. Flowers." "That's right!" the boy said,

"But, how did you know?" "Oh, just a wild guess," she said.

The next pupil was the sweet shop owner's daughter. The teacher held her gift overhead, shook it, and said, "I bet I can guess what it is. A box of sweets."

"That's right, but how did you know?" asked the girl. "Oh, just a wild guess," said the teacher.

The next gift was from the son of the liquor storeowner. The teacher held the package overhead, but it was leaking. She touched a drop off the leakage with her finger and put it to her tongue. "Is it wine?" she asked.

"No," the boy replied, with some excitement. The teacher repeated the process, tasting a larger drop of the leakage. "Is it champagne?" she asked.

"No," the boy replied, with more excitement. The teacher took one bigger taste before declaring, "I give up, what it is?"

With great glee, the boy replied,

-LoveNismi (Ansh Rav)

!!! Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha hey hey Ha ha ha !!!

Galileo used to study in small lamp,

Graham bell used to study in candle,

Shekspeare used to study in street lite,

.

.

.

.

.

Mujhe yeh samaj nahi aata "SAALE DIN ME JHAK MARTE THE KYA"....

~*~*~*~*~*~* ~*~*~*~*~ *~*~*~*~*

Harbhajan Singh ne apni premika se pucha kya main tumhara pehla pyar hu,

Ladki Boli... Kar di na Sardaro wali baat... SPINNERS ko kabhi new ball milti hai....

~*~*~*~*~*~* ~*~*~*~*~ *~*~*~*~*

Bus Chali, Jhatka Laga,

1 Sarda, 1 Ladki par ja gira...

Ladki Boli - Batmeej kya kar rahe ho?

Sardar Bola - Ji Punjab University se B.Com kar raha hu...

~*~*~*~*~*~* ~*~*~*~*~ *~*~*~*~*

Judge - Why did you attack that young man?

Old Lady - He grabbed me, took my clothes off, threw me on the bed & shouted APRIL FOOL...

~*~*~*~*~*~* ~*~*~*~*~ *~*~*~*~*

Puri botal na sahi, ek jaam to ho jaye,

milna na sahi, dua salam to ho jaye,

jinki yaad mai hum bimar pade hai,

kam se kam unhe jukam to ho jaye..... Wah... Wah... Wah.

~*~*~*~*~*~* ~*~*~*~*~ *~*~*~*~*

Ashwarya - Main tere liye sab chod dungi,

Abhishek - Maa - baap,

Ash - haan,

Abhi - bhai bhehan,

Ash - haan,

Abhi - films,

Ash - haan,

Abhishek - Aur VIVEK, SALMAN & ASHISH ko bhi?

Ash - Apni aukat me reho. Vivek, Salman tak thik hai magar ASHISH nahi...

~*~*~*~*~*~* ~*~*~*~*~ *~*~*~*~*

Pramod Mahajan Ke Bhai ne usse goli marr di,

bcoz wo use ignore karta tha, na msg karta tha na mail karta tha, na reply

Aapka kya khayal hai....

Reply karenge..?

Ya Subah ghar aaun...?

~*~*~*~*~*~* ~*~*~*~*~ *~*~*~*~*

An old man marries is a young girl.

Interviewer asks to girl - Aapne in me Shaadi ke liye kya dekha.

Girl - Ek to inki "in come" our doosra inke "din come"....

~*~*~*~*~*~* ~*~*~*~*~ *~*~*~*~*

Banta kal raat ek ladki mujhe scooty par bahut durr le gaye, sare kapade

utar ke boli jo chahiye le lo, main scooty le aaya, kapado ka kya karta main.......

-LoveNismi ( Ansh Rav )

FROM MY HEART

Koi nahi jo mujhe smabhale
Koi nahi jo mujhe sahare
Koi nahi jo mujhe dekhe
Koi nahi jo mujhe samjhey
Koi nahi jo mujhe pahachane
Koi nahi jo main ruthoo to manaye
Koi nahi jo mujhe apnaye
Koi nahi jo mujhe pyar kare

Phir bhi dil kyun bekarar hai Lage ki jesay koi mere bahut karib hai Jis ke bina meri ye choti si zindegi adhuri hai Phir bhi dil bar bar ye hi kahe ki Koi to hai jo mujhe kabhi na kabhi yar karega kya ye meri kalpana hai ya phir meri dil ki bhawana hai? meri umeed hai?

With Love and Care Always

Regards,

- loveNismi ( Ansh Rav)

SARDAR JI AGAIN.......

Sardar ji-Bus station jane k kitne paise?
Rikshawala: 10 Rs
Sardarji: 2Rs mein chalega to theek hai
Rikshawala: 2Rs mein kaun le k jayega?
Sardar ji: Peeche baith main lekar jata hoon.

*************************************

Sardar ji kissed his girl friend in the park.

Girl: Plz ye sab shadi se pehle…
Sardar ji: Don't worry darling, I'm already married.

*************************************

Sardar ji: Is operation se mujhe kuchh ho gaya to kisi doctor se shadi kar
Lena.
Wife: Aise kyo kah rahe ho?
Sardar ji: Doctor se badla Lene ka yehi ek rasta hai!

*************************************

Sardar ji & his friend are walking down the road when Sardar ji'
friend says: Look at that dog with one eye!
Sardar ji covers one of his eyes and says: Where?

Sardar ji: What is the similarity between Bill Gates and Me?
Friend: Don't know.
Sardar ji: Well... He never comes to my house & I never go to his!

*************************************

Sardar ji was writing the passive voice of 'I made a mistake.'

He wrote: I was made by a mistake.

*************************************

Q: What do you call a man who can't hear anything?
Sardar ji: Anything you want because he can't hear na!!!

Sardar ji was busy in removing a wheel from auto,

His friend asks: Why r u removin a wheel from ur auto?
Sardar ji: Can't u read 'Parking for two wheelers only'

See what a spelling mistake can do...
Sardar ji went to Goa. Sent SMS to his wife: Having a wonderful time, wish u
were Her

Some people can tell time by looking at the sun.
Sardar ji: But I've never been able to see the numbers

A WONDERFUL STORY

A woman came out of her house and saw 3 old men with long white beards sitting in her front yard. She did not recognize them. She said "I don't think I know you, but you must be hungry. Please come in and have something to eat."

"Is the man of the house home?” they asked.
"No", she replied. "He's out..."

"Then we cannot come in", they replied.
In the evening when her husband came home, she told him hat had happened... "Go tell them I am home and invite them in!" The woman went out and invited the men in" "We do not go into a House together," they replied.

"Why is that?" she asked.

One of the old men explained: "His name is Wealth," he said pointing to one of his friends, and said pointing to nother one, "He is Success, and I am Love." Then he added, "Now go in and discuss with your husband which one of us you want in your home."

The woman went in and told her husband what was said. Her husband was overjoyed. "How n ice!!” he said. "Since that is the case, let us invite Wealth... Let him come and fill our home with wealth!"

His wife disagreed... "My dear, why don't we invite Success?" Their daughter was listening from the other corner of the house. She jumped in with her own suggestion: "Would it not be better to invite Love? Our home will then be filled with love!" "Let us heed our daughter's advice," said the husband to his wife.

"Go out and invite Love to be our guest."

The woman went out and asked the 3 old men, "Which one of you is Love? Please come in and be our guest." Love got up and started walking toward the house. The other 2 also got up and followed him. Surprised, t he lady asked Wealth and Success: "I only invited Love, Why are you coming in?"

The old men replied together: "If you had invited Wealth or Success, the other two of us would've stayed out, but since you invited Love, wherever He goes, we go with him. Wherever there is Love, there is also Wealth and Success!!!!! !" MY WISH FOR YOU... -Where there is pain, I wish you peace and mercy.-Where there is self-doubting, I wish you a renewed confidence in your ability to work through it.

-Where there is tiredness, or exhaustion, I wish you understanding, patience, and renewed strength.

-Where there is fear, I wish you love, and courage. You have two choices right now:

1. Delete this email.

2. Invite love by sharing this story with all the people you care about.

I hope you will choose

As I did

- LoveNismi (Ansh Rav)

She is a woman

If you kiss her, you are not a gentleman
If you don't, you are not a man

If you praise her, she thinks you are lying
If you don't, you are good for nothing

If you agree to all her likes, you are a wimp
If you don't, you are not understanding

If you visit her often, she thinks it is boring
If you don't, she accuses you of double-crossing

If you are well dressed, she says you are a playboy
If you don't, you are a dull boy

If you are jealous, she says it's bad
If you don't, she thinks you do not love her

If you attempt a romance, she says you didn't respect her
If you don't, she thinks you do not like her

If you are a minute late, she complains it's hard to wait
If she is late, she says that's a girl's way

If you visit another man, you're not putting in "quality time"
If she is visited by another woman, "oh it's natural, we are girls"

If you kiss her once in a while, she professes you are cold
If you kiss her often, she yells that you are taking advantage

If you fail to help her in crossing the street, you lack ethics
If you do, she thinks it's just one of men's tactics for seduction

She is a womanIf you stare at another woman, she accuses you of flirting
If she is stared by other men, she says that they are just admiring

If you talk, she wants you to listen
If you listen, she wants you to talk

In short:
So simple, yet so complex
So weak, yet so powerful
So damning, yet so wonderful
So confusing, yet so desirable......

-Love Nismi

Lover to his Ex-gal friend

*Hi*
*Here is a letter written by a depressed to lover to his Ex-gal friend. Please read it carefully and I can see u is smiling there!!!!*

*======== ========= ========== ====*

*A letter to Ex-Girl Friend*

*Dear XXX,*

Thanks for being my love for *one and half years,* when you receive this letter I believe you might have selected a new boy friend and started enjoying your dating.

Every lovers needs to struggle a bit to get a boy friend or girl friend.
Monisha euro| In order to recover your missing, *I got another girl from next street & as you know this is my forth love, from all my past experiences I have learned a lot*.

When the love blossoms everyone starts writing love letters, you know very well EURO| I have written many love letter to you , and writing a love letter in poetic way is not so easy nowadays MONISHA , and it EURO(tm)s a time consuming work, In order to avoid all this *I* *need all my lover letters back so that I can put corrector and send to my new girl friend ,* please send it back to me, *I don EURO(tm)t have poetic references or any photocopy of these letters.*

Another thing MONISHA, I have given you one cute photo of mine , can you send it to me please , *you know better that this is the only photo I look very cute & handsome and this photo I have taken when I was in my very first love. *

And also, during my 1 Â1/2 years of love days I have spend lot of monies for impressing you , I am attaching a list of expenses which I request you to clear it at the earliest.

*The expenses are as follows:*
Lunch / Dinner ; 895, Cool Drinks 2938 Rs, Snacks 5645 Rs. , Juice 3845 Rs. Cinema 1235Rs. Internet Chatting 1499 Rs. , Mobile 2546 Rs. Petrol 4255 Rs. Gift Items 7850 Rs, Grand Total : 30,708 rs (in Words : Thirty Thousand Seven Hundred and Eight Rupees).

Please try to clear the above amount so that I can spend these monies on my new girl friend, and more over if you have any of my gift lying with you, am ready to take these packs in half prices. Please calculate the value of packs left over and deduct it from the above statement of account. I am enclosing herewith your love letters (Weigh around 4 Kg) so that you no need to write again to your boy friend and your photo so that you can give to your new BF.

Also, please advise your expenses which incurred during our dates, I don EURO (tm) I think you have got any expenditure during these dates, *I have seen many time that you always forget your purse when it comes to pay. * Anyway I hope you will clear the above outstanding at the earliest and wishing you a very wonderful 6th love affair with Subil.

You’re Ex-lover

*XXXYYYZZZ*

How a withdraws cash from ATM

How a BOY withdraws cash from ATM

1. Park the car
2. Go to ATM Machine
3. Insert card
4. Enter PIN
5. Take money out
6. Take ATM Card out
7. Drive away

How a GIRL withdraws cash from ATM

1. Park the car
2. Check makeup
3. Turn off engine
4. Check makeup
5. Go to ATM
6. Hunt for ATM card in the purse
7. Insert card
8. Hit Cancel
9. Hunt in purse for chit with PIN written on it
10. Insert card
11. Enter PIN
12. Take cash
13. Go to car
14. Check makeup
15. Start car
16. Stop car
17. Run back to ATM
18. Take ATM card
19. Back to car
20. Check makeup
21. Start car
22. Check makeup
23. Drive for 1/2 mile
24. Release handbrake

-Nishal
-LoveNismi (Ansh Rav)

જ્યારે કોઇ છોકરો કોઇ છોકરી ને પ્રપોઝ કરે ત્યારે સામે છોકરી ના શું જવાબો હોઇ શકે.. ?એમાના કેટલાક જવાબો અહિ છે.

1) ના [ Jaane aa ek j word aavadto hoy..]

2) મે ક્યારેય નહ્તુ વિચાર્યું કે તમે મારા વિશે આવું વિચરો છો. [ leh..aa vichare pan che...???]

3) હું તો તમને કાયમ એક સારા મિત્ર તરીકેજ જોતી હતી અને તમે ? [badha natak che]

4) સોરી હું તો પહેલાથી જ એંગેજ છું. [haa 10 ma std. ma hati tyar thi]

5) હું આવી બધી વાતોમાં નથી માનતી. તારૂ ભણવામાં ધ્યાન લગાવ.[pote chori karine pass thati hase]

6) હજું હું તમને બરાબર જાણતી નથી. [photo aapo janva maate]

7) પણ તમે તો મને બેન કહીને બોલાવતા હતા ને ? [bas ene e j yaad che]

8) હું આ સંબન્ધ માટે હજુ પુરી રીતે તૈયાર નથી. [haju 30-40 varas lagse]

9) હું મારી બહેંપણી ને પુછી ને જવાબ આપીશ.. (એમા બહેનપણી ને પુછવાની શું જરૂર છે એ ખબર નથી પડતી )

10 ) આટલી વાત કહેવામાં આટલો બધો ટાઇમ લાગ્યો.

11) તારૂ મોઢું જોયું છે અરીસામાં કોઇ દીવસ ? ( જાણે પોતે રોજ અરીસાની સામેજ બેસી રહેતી હોય )

12)કશું પણ બોલ્યા વગર હસ્યા કરશે ( જાણે એની સામે કોઇ જોકર ઉભો હોય )


- Nishal
- LoveNismi

Problem of Married Software Programmer in India

Husband - hey dear, I am logged in.

Wife - would you like to have some snacks?

Husband - hard disk full.

Wife - have you brought the saree?

Husband - Bad command or file name.

Wife - but I told you about it in morning

Husband - erroneous syntax, aborts, retry, and cancel.

Wife - hae bhagwan! Forget it where’s your salary.

Husband - file in use, read only, try after some time.

Wife - at least give me your credit card, I can do some shopping.

Husband - sharing violation, access denied.

Wife - I made a mistake in marrying you.

Husband - data type mismatch.

Wife - you are useless.

Husband - by default.

Wife - who was there with you in the car this morning?

Husband - system unstable press ctrl, alt, del to Reboot.

Wife - what is the relation between you & your Receptionist?

Husband - the only user with write permission.

Wife - what is my value in your life?

Husband - unknown virus detected.

Wife - do you love me or your computer?

Husband - Too many parameters.

Wife - I will go to my dad’s house.

Husband - program performed illegal operation, it will close.

Wife - I will leave you forever.

Husband - close all programs and log out for another User.

Wife - it is worthless talking to you.

Husband - shut down the computer.

Wife - I am going

Husband - It’s now safe to turn off your computer

By:- Ansh Rav

Love Nismi