સાઈન્ટીસ્ટસ on Swarg

બધા સાઈન્ટીસ્ટસ મરીને સ્વર્ગમાં ભેગા થાય છે…ઘણો સમય સાથે રહી કાંઈ કામ ન હોવાથી છેલ્લે તેઓ કંટાળીને થપ્પો રમવાનું વિચારે છે…

બદનસીબે આઈન્સ્ટાઈન નો દાવ હતો….એણે ૧….૨…..એમ ૧૦૦ ગણવાના હતા અને પછી બધાને શોધીને થપ્પો કરવાનો હતો…

ન્યુટન સિવાય બધા છુપાઈ ગયા. ન્યુટન ૧ મીટર ૧ મીટર નું ચોરસ દોરી તેમાં ઉભો રહી ગયો. એ પણ આઈન્સ્ટાઈન ની બાજુમાં જ…

આઈન્સ્ટાઈને ગણવાનું શરુ કર્યુ….૧,૨,૩,….૯૮,૯૯ અને ૧૦૦….આંખ ખોલી અને એણે જોયું તો ન્યુટન બાજુમાં જ ઊભો હતો…

આઈન્સ્ટાઈન બૂમ પાડી ને બોલ્યો….”અરે ન્યુટન નો થપ્પો, ન્યુટન નો થપ્પો…”

ન્યુટન મક્કમ મનોબળ અને અત્યંત દૃઢતાથી કહે છે …” હું આઊટ નથી કારણ કે હું ન્યુટન નથી….”

બધા ટાઈમ પ્લીઝ કરીને બહાર આવે છે…..અને ન્યુટન ને પૂછે છે શું થયુ??
ન્યુટન કહે છે ” હું એક સ્ક્વેર મીટર એરીયા માં ઉભો છું…જુઓ આ માર્ક કરેલ એરીયા…એટલે હું છું ન્યુટન પર સ્ક્વેર મીટર પણ ન્યુટન પર સ્ક્વેર મીટર એટલે પાસ્કલ………..એટલે હું નહીં પણ પાસ્કલ આઊટ છે

- Lovenismi (Ansh Rav)

આ માનવી...

આ માનવી કેવો નિષ્ઠુર છે
બોલે છે કાંઈ, વિચારે છે કાંઈ,
અને કરે છે કાંઈ
વિચારે છે કપટી છું કેટલો
કોણ જુએ છે હૃદય માંહી
આ માનવી...

સંબંધોમાં શોધે છે ફાયદા
ધંધામાં કરે છે વાયદા
અને રોજ નવા કરે છે તાયફા
આ માનવી...

પૈસાથી તોલે છે સંબંધોને
ખોટ જાય તો તોડે છે સંબંધોને
સંબંધોનો વેપાર કરી લીધો
આ માનવી...

ચહેરા પર ખંધુ સ્મિત
અને હૃદયમાંહી શકુનિ ઝરતો
લાલચ અને કપટને સાથ રાખતો
ઈશ્ર્વરને બદનામ કરી દીધો
આ માનવી...

- Loveable Poet

Lord of Tirupati – Balaji

Shree Lord  Tirupati  Balaji

 

Love Marriage VS Arranged Marriage - The IT Perspective

Love Marriage: Resembles procedural programming language. We have some set functions like flirting, going to movies together, making long conversations on phone and then try to fit all functions to the candidate we like.

Arranged Marriage: Similar to object oriented programming approach. We first fix the candidate and then try to implement functions on her. The main object is fixed and various functions are added to supplement the main program. The functions can be added or deleted.

Love Marriage: It is a throwaway type of prototype as client requirements rises with time thus it is a dynamic system and difficult to maintain.

Arranged Marriage: Requirements are well defined so use of waterfall model is possible.

Love Marriage: Family system hangs because hardware called parents are not responding.

Arranged Marriage: Compatible with hardware Parents.

Love Marriage: You are the project leader so u are responsible for implementation and execution of PROJECT- married life.

Arranged Marriage: You are a team member under project leader parents so they are responsible for successful execution of project Married life.

Love Marriage: Client expectations include exciting feature as spouse cooking food, washing clothes etc.

Arranged Marriage: All these features are covered in the SRS as required features.

Love Marriage: Acceptance test possible you can try before you Buy.

Arranged Marriage: Product is sold on an as is where is basis, Product once sold will not be taken back!

- LoveNismi (Ansh Rav)

Marriage Jokes repeat

CASE 1

Getting married is like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want, then when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that.

CASE 2

At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, "Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger??" The other replied, "Yes, I am. I married the wrong man."

CASE 3

Before a man is married, he is incomplete. Then when he is married, he is finished.

CASE 4

Marriage is an institution in which a man losses his bachelor's degree and the woman gets her master's status.

CASE 5

A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married??" And the father replied, "I don't know son, I'm

still paying for it."

CASE 6

Young son : "Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa, a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?"

Dad : "That happens in most countries son."

CASE 7

Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married, and then it was too late."

CASE 8

A happy marriage is a matter of give and take; the husband gives and the wife takes

CASE 9

When a newly married man looks happy, we know why. But when a ten-year married man looks happy, we wonder why. Affair ?

CASE 10

In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.

CASE 11

After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a fool when I married you." And the Husband replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice it."

CASE 12

A man inserted an 'ad' in the classified : "Wife wanted". The next day, he received hundreds letters. They all said the same thing "You can have mine."

CASE 13

When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing : either the car is new or his wife is new.

CASE 14

A woman was telling her friend : "It is I who made my husband a millionaire."

And what was he before you married him?" the friend asked. The woman replied, "A Billionaire."

- LoveNismi (Ansh Rav)

Jokes

An old rich man marries a young gal.

Interviewer asks the girl: Apne inmein shaadi ke liye kya dekha?

Girl: Ek to inki income aur doosre inke din kum.

****************************************

PRINCIPAL :Agar koi ladka girls hostel mein gaya toh first time 100 Rs fine, 2nd time 200 Rs. Fine and 3rd time 500.

MUNNA BHAI :Boley to Monthly paas ka kya lega Mamu?

****************************************

TUSI bade hi gr8 ho,
RASGULLE ki pl8 ho,
PEPSI ka cr8 ho,
ANDE ka oml8 ho,
SMS KARANE ME bade le8 ho,
JALEBI ki tarah stra8 ho,
KHER jo bhi ho mere fevr8 ho...!

****************************************

Boy : Janeman! Tute huye dil se pyaar karogi ya dil tutne tak pyaar karogi.

Girl : Harmkhor! Tuti huyi chappal se pitega ya chappal tutne tak pitega.

- LoveNismi (Ansh Rav)

प्यार का PC

अभी अभी तो प्यार का PC किया है चालु

अपने दिल के Hard Disk पे और कितनी Files डालु

   

अपने चेहरे से रूसवाई की Error तो हटाओ

ऐ जानेमन अपने दिल का Password तो बताओ

   

वो तो हम है जो आप की चाहत दिल मॆं रखते है

वरना आप जैसे कितने Softwares तो बाज़ार में बिकते है

   

रोज़ रात आप मेरे सपने में आते हो

मेरे प्यार को Mouse बना के उंगलियों पे नचाते हो

   

तेरे प्यार का Email मेरे दिल को लुभाता है

पर बीच में तेरे बाप का Virus आ जाता है

   

और करवाओगे हमसे कितना इन्तजार

हमारे दिल की साईट पे कभी Enter तो मारो यार

   

अपने इन्सल्ट का बदला देखो कैसे लुंगा

जानेमन तेरे बाप को Ctrl+Alt+Delete कर दुंगा

   

आपके कई नखरे अपने दिल पे बैंग हो गये

दो PC जुड़ते जुड़ते Hang हो गये

   

आप जैसो के लिये दिल को Cut किया करते है

वरना बाकी केसेस में तो Copy Paste किया करते हैं

   

आपक हँसना आप क चलना आप की वो स्टाईल

आपकी अदाओं की हमने Save कर ली है File

   

जो सदीयों से होता आया है वो रीपीट कर दुंगा

तु ना मिली तो तुझे Ctrl+Alt+Delete कर दुंगा

   

लड़कीयां सुन्दर हैं और लोनली हैं

प्रोब्लम है कि बस वो Read Only हैं

   

- Kadia (Orkut)

- Loveable Poet

Jokes to Make You Laugh

BOY : May I hold your hand?
GIRL : No thanks, it isn't heavy.

GIRL : Say you love me! Say you love me!
BOY : You love me...

GIRL : If we become engaged will you give me a ring??
BOY : Sure, what's your phone number??

GIRL : I think the poorest people are the happiest.
BOY : Then marry me and we'll be the happiest couple

GIRL : Darling, I want to dance like this forever.
BOY : Don't you ever want to improve??

BOY : I love you and I could die for you!
GIRL : How soon??

BOY : I would go to the end of the world for you!
GIRL : Yes, but would you stay there??

SHARON : Have you ever had a hot passionate, burning
Kiss??
TRACY : I did once. He'd forgotten to take the
Cigarette out of his mouth.

MAN : You remind me of the sea.
WOMAN : Because I'm wild, romantic and exciting?
MAN : NO, because you make me sick.

WIFE : You tell a man something, it goes in one ear
And comes out of the other.
HUSBAND : You tell a woman something: It goes in both
Ears and comes out of the mouth.

MARY : John says I'm pretty. Andrew says I'm ugly.What
Do u think,
Peter?
PETER : A bit of both. I think you're pretty ugly.

1) Girlfriend : "...And are you sure you love me and
No one else ?"
Boyfriend : "Dead Sure! I checked the whole list again
Yesterday".

2) Teacher : "Which is more important to us, the sun Or the moon?"
Pupil : "The moon".
Teacher : "Why?"

Pupil : "The moon gives us light at night when we need It but the sun gives us light only in the day time When we don't need it".

3) Teacher : "What do you call a person who keeps on Talking when people are no longer interested?"

Pupil : "A teacher".

4) Waiter : "Would you like your coffee black?"
Customer : "What other colors do you have?"

5) My father is so old that when he was in school,
History was called current affairs.

6) Teacher : "Sam, you talk a lot !"
Sam : "It's a family tradition".
Teacher : "What do you mean?"
Sam : "Sir, my grandpa was a street hawker, my father
Is a teacher".
Teacher : "What about your mother?"
Sam : "She's a woman".

7) Tom : "How should I convey the news to my father
That I've failed?"
David: "You just send a telegram: Result declared,
Past year's performance repeated".

8) Teacher : "Now, children, if I saw a man beating a
Donkey and stopped him, what virtue would I be Showing?"
Student : "Brotherly love".
9) Teacher : "Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say
Prayers before eating?"
Sam : "No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good
Cook".

10) Patient : "What are the chances of my recovering
Doctor?"
Doctor : "One hundred percent. Medical records show That nine out of ten people die of the disease you Have. Yours is the tenth case I've treated. The others All died".

11) Teacher : " Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?"
One Student : "Sir, my Mother and Father got married On the same day and at the same time."

12) Teacher : " George Washington not only chopped
Down his father's Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it.
Now do you know why his father didn't punish him ?"
One Student: " Because George still had the axe in is
hand.

 

- LoveNismi (Ansh Rav)

Shree Lord Ganesha

 

The Lord Ganesha

Definition of friendship

*The definition of Friendship*

      What is a true friend? Often, I have struggled to understand what makes one person there, truly, more than the next. We all go through life with different people by our sides at different times in our lives. But some people distinguish themselves. They are true friends.

There are times in all of our lives when we need the comfort and solace of someone who understands completely, and for some reason, continues to help us when we are at our worst, perhaps even exhausting them.

          Going through a time of crisis reveals that your real friends are. It's not to say that those who are not there for you in these bad times are not good people or good friends. But you get to see their true dedication and moral character when you face adversity.

          But your real, true, friends are the ones who come through with flying colors, when you do not even have to ask. There is something magical about the bonds of true friendship. Though you may not have many kinds of these people in your life, be thankful for the ones who are there. The people in our lives are a blessing.

          When going through rough times, don't expect everyone to understand—you will just be let down more if they do not. Reach out to your friends if you want them to understand, and give them the opportunity to help. (They aren't mind readers!)

         If you do not find someone to understand, you know that the person has not defined themselves in your eyes as the kind of person who will be there through thick and thin.

          You can still value people in your life who are not "till the end" friends. These people have just as much to offer, and it should be said that each person in your life is there for a reason. If a friend just does not get the idea that you need him or her, try and understand what that person is going through, or how they view the relationship.

            Don't be afraid to confront your friend to see if everything is okay. And most of all, don't expect everyone to run to your aid. Everyone is busy with his or her own lives. Rest assured, however, you will find a friend who will be there for you, and you will never truly be alone. Open your eyes to the people in your life and look for someone who you can depend on.

         Most of all return the favor! When someone goes out on the live for you. You should do the same. Thank friends who have helped you through rough times and let them know how much you appreciate all they have done and who they are!

- LoveNismi (Ansh Rav)

20 Golden Rules for any Office

Rule 1
The Boss is always right.

Rule 2
If the Boss is wrong, see rule 1.

Rule 3
Those who work get more work.
Others get pay, perks, and promotions.

Rule 4
Ph.D. stands for "Pull Him Down".
The more intelligent a person,
the more hardworking a person,
the more committed a person;
the more number of persons are engaged in pulling that person down.

Rule 5
If you are good, you will get all the work.
If you are really good, you will get out of it.

Rule 6
When the Bosses talk about improving productivity,
they are never talking about themselves.

Rule 7
It doesn't matter what you do,
it only matters what you say you've done and what you are going to do.

Rule 8
A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the butt.

Rule 9
Don't be irreplaceable.
If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

Rule 10
The more crap you put up with,
the more crap you are going to get.

Rule 11
If at first you don't succeed, try again.
Then quit.
No use being a damn fool about it.

Rule 12
When you don't know what to do,
walk fast and look worried.

Rule 13
Following the rules will not get the job done.

Rule 14
If it weren't for the last minute,
nothing would get done.

Rule 15
Everything can be filed under
"Miscellaneous".

Rule 16
No matter how much you do,
you never do enough.

Rule 17
You can do any amount of work
provided it isn't the work you are supposed to be doing.

Rule 18
In order to get a promotion,
you need not necessarily know your job.

Rule 19
In order to get a promotion,
you only need to pretend that you know your job.

Rule 20
The last person that quit or was fired
will be held responsible for everything that goes wrong.

- LoveNismi (Ansh Rav)